Untitled Poem by Shayli Harris


Rating: 4.9

All i wanna know
Is what was going thru your head
When they found you
Lying on the floor dead

With your body turnung cold
To escape this life
And your furture being controlled
By this knife

Your blood flows
Freely from the fatal wound
And as your heartbeat dies
Your fate has loomed

Heather Hill 27 May 2008

I agree with the others I think this is a good poem but add some too it...and i think you meant doomed instead of loomed...but its okay we all make mistakes...poetry is hard you just have to work at it....but yeah there is a lil confusion to this...add more to it give more detail...other than that good

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Jerry Hughes 12 May 2008

Yout fate has loomed? I think you meant to say, your fate is doomed...

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Nicky Turner 17 March 2008

who are you talking about? yourself, someone else? once again a nice piece feelings of confusion are seen throughout this. itnense, confusion, and a under lying hint of amazement is what i get from this keep writing i'm loving it.

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Alison Cassidy 12 March 2008

Your 'untitled' question has been asked by thousands over the centuries and no one really knows unless they've been there - and most of them don't hang round to tell.. I do hope this is fictitious. It's certainly a rather morbid subject from one so young. love, Allie ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥

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