Stirling Netzlaw

When She Was Here, Li Bo, A Parody

When she was here, Li Bo, she was like my elven princess,
Like rolling a twenty, over and over again,
Like a good raidin’ run that lasts forever,
Like pwning newbz with mah leet skillz.
She was the master of my dungeon
And the keeper of my dark crystal.

Now that she’s gone, it’s like my heart’s been hit for critical damage.
Like I’m playing Tomb of Horrors again and again, and I keep dying.
Like spilling coke on my brand new sourcebook that cost me 60 dollars.
I haven’t been this sad since Gary Gygax died…






SOME NOTES FOR THOSE WHO DON'T GET THE NERD REFERENCES

In the Dungeons and Dragons game, rolling a twenty is the highest number one can roll, and usually grants special abilities in combat or extra damage.
In games like World of Warcraft, raiding is when a group of characters get together to go through a dungeon, killing all the monsters, and sharing loot. They never seem to last long enough, however.
This is chat or ‘leet’ speak, which is common in online roleplaying games like World of Warcraft. Pwning Newbz refers to an advanced player slaughtering less skilled players to show his supremacy.
In Dungeons and Dragons, the storyteller who guides the game is called the Dungeon Master. In this sense, the words are reversed, creating a possible sexual double entendre.
The Dark Crystal was a motion picture done by Jim Henson productions that became a cult classic amongst the fantasy nerd population.
When one rolls a twenty-sided dice in Dungeons and Dragons, one can deal critical or extra damage on their attack. When a monster gets this ability against a player, it is cause for much groaning, and can sometimes kill the player’s character.
Tome of Horrors is an infamous Dungeons and Dragons adventure that was known for being incredibly hard. Still, many groups played through it, even multiple times, trying to prove their worth as players.
Sourcebooks are add-ons for roleplaying game rules. They can add new monsters, items, or character options. They are often hard cover, over 200 pages, and rather expensive.
Gary Gygax was the inventor of Dungeons and Dragons and became a hero to many dungeons and dragons fans. He passed away on March 4,2008. Many DND gamers mourned his passing.

Poem Submitted: Thursday, January 29, 2009

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Comments about When She Was Here, Li Bo, A Parody by Stirling Netzlaw

  • Florence P. Wordsmith (1/29/2009 3:42:00 PM)

    Great work. It is complex in its simplicity.

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