Why Is It So Hard? Poem by Ellie Watts

Blood red tears fall onto a face numbed by emotion.
How could you have done this to me?
If I stare long enough into nothingness,
I can pretend I'm in your arms.
How can I express the way I feel to those I love,
when I can barely admit it to myself?
You'll never know how much I hurt inside.
How every scathing comment leaves it's own special mark.
Being happy comes naturally to the lucky majority.
I begrudge them none of that.
Can I change the subject now?
'Cause those little round waterstains....
they're dedicated to that special somone
who refuses to submit to my love.
Fucked up as it may seem
I'm writing an endless stream.
So if it sounds like a teenage girl
Who hates herself more and more everyday
Cause shes just like every other American 15 year old,
That's because I don't want to emit to anything.
Maybe if I write it down, the paper will take the pain away.
Instead of that blessed little razor blade.