Yeeeeee Haaaaaaaaww! It's Christmas! Poem by Kristin Nicole RothDavis

From the top of the shack to them
there garbage bins,
Now Dash Away! Dash Away!
Dash Away youin's!

I heard a loud sound on the roof of ma shack
Pud down ma beer and went fer ma gun rack!
He fell through the roof, plum killed ma poor dawg,
I swear that ole' Santa looked just like Boss Hawg!

He wore a T-shirt, rebel flag on the front,
His jeans were all bloody from that morning's hunt!
A big nekked lady tattooed on his arm,
and he wore black boots that he'd pick'd up in 'Nam!

His eyes, how they glazed from too much Wild Turkey,
From the side of his mouth hung a stick of beef jerky!
A scar on his cheek from a flight with the cops,
The veins on his face looked ready to pop!

The butt of a Marl'bro clung to his lip,
He wore a hip pack full of Barbie-Que chips!
He had a fat face and a hairy beer belly,
I ain't seen one that big sicne ma ex-husband
who thought he was hung like Nelly!

He was a gap-toothed and dumb with an I.Q. of three,
And I laughed cause the redneck was smarter than me!
A wink of his eye, a fierce shake of his head,
From his hair came a rat that ran under ma bed!

He gave us a tape of them hound dawgs
that sing Jingle Bells,
Some Crisco, some Spam, some Oatmeal Cream Pies,
A nascar T-shirt in double X size!

When the presents were gone and he had no mo,
He stagger'd and stumbled right through ma screen door!

He hop'd in his truck, to his sheep gave an order:
'Hurry up youin's! To the Tennessee boarder! '
And I heard him cry out, with a strong southern drawl:

'MERRY CHRISTMAS, YOUR REDNECKS!
MERRY CHRISTMAS YA'LL
YEEEEEE HAAAAAAWWWWW! ! '