Mother of two. Started writing first poems in last foster home (Louise Marnell-foster mother) . E-mail address firstname.lastname@example.org
There Never Was....
There are times I feel my heart cry.
Like a part of me is ready to die.
I know must go on.
But, people don't seem to understand my light is gone.
I put a smile on my face everyday, for the whole world to see.
But, I know I am not only fooling them, I am fooling me.
I feel all alone, in this dark hole I am in.
I am afraid I'll never see the light again.
I can't stand looking in the mirror.
Could this reflection get any clearer?
How can I comfort the little girl inside?
If, even myself I can't confide?
The pain is far more than I can stand.
I am in my own big ocean of tears, searching for my land.
I don't even know where to begin, to stop the hurt I swallowed myself in.
I am scared to find me again.
Why can't I be happy, I know I should be.
I know I am letting the past's pain imprison me.
Why can't I just let go, and move on?
Why can't I build up enough courage and strength and be done?
I hate myself for being so weak, and afraid.
I am at my own war, my emotions fighting their own raid.
I am so lost, without any windows to look out, showing me which way to turn.
I am to afraid too let myself mourn.
To mourn the dreams there once was.
To mourn the carfree spirit without a cause.
To mourn the little girl there never was.