Thato Maluleka

I want to find you cause you found me alone, Isolated from the world of love. Disconnected from an entire network of hope to love I long to hold love.
But you see I’m scared to get close to your warmth, so bear with my faults as I crawl to near your soul, cry showers of pain as I regret the choice that will unfold when I finally lose hope.
I carry on but can’t cope I sit around and mope thinking of experimenting with coke- blaze dope to cope, get crazy as I continue to lose hope… Damn I lost hope. Stashed her in a place of lost control I can’t onthou…
Still slowly in the mist of my silent sleep, almost like I was mocking death as I peacefully rest with no stress, you resurfaced, identity changed, a love I can finally embrace a love I can’t escape…
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I try to let go but the pull is so strong, I try to hold on but it feels so wrong.
I try to grasp you but you are slipping away, I try to go on but am forced to stay Hey… Let me walk away I shad to many tears, I fought hard still I have to face my fears.
I try to forget that face; try to run away from this place…
Ooh your body, perfectly shaped it drives me insane again and again, did I mention you drive me insane oh yes I did, but had to mention it again.
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Missing you is not easy, predictable the least. My mind tries to move on but my heart is in denial oblivious I can’t trust.

Missing you clouds my judgments of love, how can move on when I simply can’t, can I see you one last time, maybe just maybe my world can heal, simply basically be at ease.
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Missing you is not easy, predictable the least. My mind tries to move on but my heart is in denial oblivious I can’t trust it anymore.

Missing you clouds my judgments of love, how can I move on when I simply can’t ignore-ignore You & I, can I see you one last time, maybe just maybe my world can heal, simply basically be at ease.
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Death is knocking on my door, i scream as i can't take it no more, i consume alcohol to numb my thoughts, thoughts i can't stop neither control or put on hold.

Still in this mist of the storm i try with no success to form a greater goal not for me alone but for those that fought those that i leave behind to tremble and moarn over a lost soul, believe me i was that soul, but just somehow lost control of it all.
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in certain sections life becomes delibarate to munipulate certain circumstances desolve and reconstruct curtain fears and gears up and recreate that inner instance.

revolved yet unconclued thoughts overcrowding my undisrupted world i bet you its all my fault that external thoghts are also involved.
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life can seem like a challenge which it is, but reality can sometimes change its being.

what i am trying to mean is that it may seem deam but u see reality cansomtimes lie to save its being, which, which means u truly suluwhat i seem to mean...
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life can seem like a challenge which it is, but reality can sometimes change its being.

what i am trying to mean is that it may seem deam but u see reality cansomtimes lie to save its being, which, which means u truly suluwhat i seem to mean...
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There seems to be spaces that couldn't can't be filled, I feel empty almost unreal, I feel I am no longer a human being, just a skeleton amongst living beings.
Where did I go wrong, when did I seemingly start to lose that smile, did I walk down the wrong road, am I a lost soul, have I lost control.
U know all I seem to do is fake smile, pretend to be fine, laugh even as if I am having fun, but slowly inside I die, will I ever be fine.
If I may ask am I even myself at this time, is this pain gonna take a while some indefinite time.
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You- you are that breath taking mystery my heart has long longed for.
That fresh air, sweet scent aroma. a moment to last forever, a smile never to frown or be let down.
You that feeling of not wanting to let go, a story I would like to know, a picture I want to paint, u that saint.
U are truly great u drive me insane but hey in a good way.
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U know it's funny, and the funny hahahaha OMG die hulle lot kinda thing, is that tried-I tried and finally I am tired, exhaustion has finally given in surrendered, arms up, you know that I give up kinda thing, that I-I can finally say love aint for real.

I have come to a conclusion, a I kinda now know now typa thing, that the only love that will ever exist is the love that God and my Blood family gives, a love I will eternally receive with open arms-heart and soul.
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These thing these thoughts those words you said to me before, long sort for words, I think of u-us all the time, every day of this lonely life of mine, I longed for u for so long, found u yet u still left me what went wrong, please tell me I was at wrong please forgive my heart if it did u wrong, please rightfully correct this wrong by giving me a chance to ignite that smile I miss, kiss me again love me the same lets unite without any diff just the same. Without any ish just remain the same, let's not play games, mind puzzles, crazy mazes, just continue to amaze me and be with me,
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I have this continuous feelings a gut feeling of things I think you are up to in my absence, am I insane to be feeling this, am I missing something in feeling this, I do things to avoid thinking of this, I try to control this pulling feeling this uncontrollable encounter I face on a daily basis.

Control is a hard factor for a lonely soul, barring this emotionally kills, eats away at me bit by bit, by bit by bit, slowly painfully, without any remorse for no apparent course or reason of some sort, slowly at a pace of no concluded speed slowly eats, eats away silently without a sound at peace.
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Once in every while comes a time for change, I say this as I see summer is slowly fading away; it was a beautiful stay I hope you enjoyed yourself all the way. I understand it’s time for change a family member is now to take your place to bring nothing but change, hope he also enjoys his stay.

Summer I love your unpredictability, the showers you bring to us to cool us down when the sun is just in one of his moods, you know you’re the only one who can handle the dude, glad they choose you. And when you come for your stay you bring along the most precious gifts during your stay, if I may, kindly say, the scent in the air, the birth of roses and the humming of birds, like flashbacks of recent years, and joyful tears, oh the aroma like making unconditional love I get chills when I reminisce about your breathtaking ways and heart fulfilling days…
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I want to write, something nice, but nothing comes to mind. Today words are unkind and will not come out from where they normally hide.

Today I want to write, write something nice, and make someone smile, to look forward to a lovely day and an even more an exciting night.
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Depression is a state of mind, but I have consumed so much it is no longer a state of mind but reality in my mind.

I try to escape but there is no place for me to escape, I am being stalked by unbearable thoughts of my faults on my way to an unknown walk.
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I can’t help it if you got me twisted, tripping, slipping even missing you. Still can’t imagine thinking of how one day could stay with me for so long because of you, damn how can I even pretend ‘cause I know it’s true, I think I’m still in love with you.

I know I won’t see you again, but am I going to handle this pain, ‘cause I’ll remember you when it rains, when the sun shines, every day.
You are permanently engraved on my brain, you are what I say a permanent stain. You flow through my veins rushing to gain first place, I mean we even got to first base.
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- We build a wall never to fall cause we wanted to be alone.

- We build a love so strong never to be torn or ripped apart cause we knew it wasn’t wrong.
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If only I could simplify love you would meet the requirements you see, they would be engraved from deep within the soil from above, and then we could fly above the ever blue skies like a white dove…

And as sunshine dazes catch me awake-Sleeping, day dreaming, holding on to summertime grooves as soft as the blues I’ll fly loose. And as you kindly harass the dance floor caress the whole floor, swift across the room effortless I’m speechless, almost motionless.
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I am glad you moved on, but is it necessary to be so hardcore. I know the hurt is excruciating its unbearable and hurting.

I thought we shared a bond so strong not even separating could be a course, for speaking so utterly out of song.
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