In the month of October
As dry as dust
The elephants wait
For the rain that must
Descend from the heavens
In life-giving pall
When a million drops
Of mercy fall.
But the drought is a harsh one;
The vision is blured
And the dry takes a toll
On the elephant herd.
So a rugged old bull
In thirsting's grim thrall
Will answer the beckon
Of the wild's last call.
1 – " pall" ...i don't think it is pronounced quite like " fall" , and i don't find** a meaning which i think will fit your poem. ** ok, maybe this meaning: " something that covers or conceals especially: an overspreading element that produces an effect of gloom" like dark rain clouds? ? " vision is blured" try " blurred" " vision" here means what?
2 - " thrall" i guess: " a state of servitude or submission" ? I don't find " beckon" as a noun i suggest using " beckoning" (adjective) like this to maintain your rhyme : “Will answer the beckoning voice Of the wild's last call.” Despite my ‘suggestions’, I send this to MyPoemList & may share it with others. Bri :)
Thanks Bri for taking the trouble to air your missgivings, which barring my spelling mistakes, largely mirror my own on this poem. Pall, I have it in my mind can also mean curtain or hanging cloth and such, though it is a secondary meaning? I may be wrong. Rain in Africa often has the appearance of a curtain. In my neck of the woods (Zimbabwe) the rhyme is good :) .
I have in mind that pall can mean curtain or drape,5hough it is a secondary meeting. May be wrong? Here (in Zimbabwe) the rhyme is good :) .
A very touching write with the complementary picture.Life's harsh reality has been expressed so beautifully.
Oh... I forgot to mention that I have a poem called " Be a Bull" . You might like it. Thanks.
Very sad, but life will go on for the rest of the herd, I am reading this poem because it was " showcased" by Bri Edwards. Thanks for posting.
On to, The vision is blurred, this was a bit of a make fit line, but I came to like it in time because a few possible secondary meanings, or metaphoric meanings occured to me. You are right about beckoning! :)
On thrall, what I mean to say is the bull is in the grip of his adversity.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
1 – " pall" ...i don't think it is pronounced quite like " fall" , and i don't find** a meaning which i think will fit your poem. ** ok, maybe this meaning: " something that covers or conceals especially: an overspreading element that produces an effect of gloom" like dark rain clouds? ? " vision is blured" try " blurred" " vision" here means what?