Attention! Warning! Attention! Warning! Poem by Bob and Alex Eichen

Attention! Warning! Attention! Warning!

Allton Poetry Police Department
Neighborhood Watch Division
101 West Third
Allton, IL 62666

Dear Resident,
This official Neighborhood Watch notification is to warn you that a serial poet is believed to be operating in your area. Several local homeowners have reported that strange poems have been appearing in their unlocked vehicles. A brown Chevy in the 300 block of Maple Street, had it's front passenger window broken out with a rock and several poems by author or authors unknown, placed on the seat. In the Christian Hill area, three homeowners report that their homes had been broken into. Pages were found to be torn out of their poetry books and strange poems inserted in their place. Most concerning to the Poetry Police, is the report that, last Saturday night, in the area known as 'Black Mexico', an elderly woman alledges that someone entered her home between the hours of 0100 and 0530. This perverted writer left a love poem on the nightstand next to the bed while the victim slept.

First and foremost: DO NOT PANIC!

What you should do:
1) Keep all vehicles and doors locked.
2) Secure all windows.
3) Turn on outside lights at night.
4) Do not leave poetry books where they will be visible to others.
5) Consider buying large caliber handgun and German Shepherd.
6) Most importantly! Report all suspicious looking poets seen in your area.

Possible suspects:
1) On FRI22JUN07, a mental patient escaped from the Poestville Maximum Security Writers Prison in Joliett, Il. Inmate could be headed this way. He is described as a white male, age 36,5'3' in height,145lbs., brown balding hair, brown eyes and answers to the name Eddie Poe AKA Edward Poe AKA Edgar Poe VI. He is to be considered armed with pen and paper and dangerous. Do not attempt to apprehend!

2) Also: The poet gang The Lords of Byron have been seen moving into the area. Please report any poet gang activity to the Poet Police at once.

Remember: You in the Neighborhood Watch are our first line of defense against criminal poetry. Notify us, and we'll do the rest. Do not be affraid. We're here for you!

Yours truly,
Sgt. K. C. McMulligan
Allton Poetry Police
Neighborhood Watch Division

Cynthia Evans 24 February 2008

Okay, I'm hooked. You have a magnificent sense of humor. My husband and I are adding you to our list of people welcome in our 'fantasy neighborhood.' You're in good company, I promise. All interesting folks. We'll bring the blood marys and bacon!

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