Being Glabrous Poem by gershon hepner

If sexy women are appalled
by how you look since you are bald,
do not buy lotions that are sold
by charlatans, for you’ll be rolled.
Medications mostly fail
the pilatory-challenged male,
and hair transplants appear unsightly
on most men looking for their nightly
relief from tension with a roll
between the sheets with some young moll.
The best solution for the glabrous,
apart from abras and cadabras,
is shaving all the hair you’ve got,
including round the pubic plot
where sometimes evil crabs may lurk.
In my experience this won’t work,
but since it worked in Egypt where
the priests shaved all their body hair,
they seemed to have a lot of fun.
I recommend this safe technique,
well-proven, tested and antique.
You, too, pretending you are one
may end up having lots of fun,
and molls will let you in their pants,
as once to ancient hierophants,
and not say “nevermore: ” clean-shaven,
they’ll love you whether white or raven.

Inspired by some recent research I have been doing on ancient Egyptians priestly habits. Herodotus reports (Histories,2.37) that Egyptian priests, in addition to being circumcised and bathing with cold water twice daily and twice nightly shaved their entire body every other day to prevent lice or any other vermin from hiding on their bodies while they worshipped.


1/6/08