David Harris

Gold Star - 4,611 Points (18 June 1945 / Bradfield, England)

Big Knickers (Fun Poem 177) - Poem by David Harris

The Ballad of Sally “Big Knickers” James.

Sally was born of poor parents
who lived on the wrong side of the tracks.
She followed the boys into guns and stealing.
Although not related to Frank and Jesse James,
Sally carved her own name into one of the legends of the west.

First she joined up with
the notorious star gang of cattle rustling fame.
The more she rode her horse,
the more it shrank under her big knickers
until she found herself riding a sway backed mule.
By the age of 25 she had ten notches on her gun.

Word got around that you don’t mess
with Sally Big Knickers James
if you knew what was good for you.
From rustling cattle she moved up to robbing banks and trains.
As her legend grew she became known
only as Big Knickers throughout the West.

Hocus Pokus the Indian went looking for her one day.
He wanted to join her as his tribe
had moved and left him behind.
He had heard all the stories about her
and looked upon Big Knickers as a hero.
Jumping on his horse Big Brassier
he went looking for Big Knickers.

From town to town he went
hoping to hear news of her.
Finally a stagecoach came through from Deadwood
claiming Big Knickers had not long held them up.
Hocus Pokus jumped on his horse
and set off to find her.

He headed towards the mountains
as he heard she sometimes holed up there.
He soon picked up her trail
and began to follow it.
In the mountains the Big Knickers gang
spotted him coming their way.

Sally ordered them to capture him, not kill him.
She was interested to find out why an Indian
would want to follow them.
Hocus Pokus dismounted and followed
the trail on foot into Big Knickers camp.

He explained to Sally
that he would like to join her outlaws.
After some consideration Sally agreed.
In the weeks and months that followed
Hocus Pokus became a respected outlaw
with all his daring do.

Also a romance began between him and Sally.
One day they went out together and a storm came up,
having no tent or tepee, they made do
with a pair of Sally’s Big Knickers as a lean to.
Sheltering under the Knickers they lit a fire
and a curious smell arose from the Big Knickers.

A large grizzly bear came around.
But taking a whiff of Sally’s Big Knickers
he ran off in the opposite direction.
As the new dawn arose the storm subsided.
Sally and Hocus Pokus headed back to their main camp.

On the way back Hocus Pokus
purposed and Sally accepted.
Before they did their next raid they got married.
They headed out on their honeymoon after the raid
not knowing shortly after they left
a group of US Marshals captured the gang
except for Sally and Hocus Pokus who were never seen again.

A year went by and a couple of rumours spread
that they had both went to Mexico
and another said they moved to Alaska.
But no evidence was ever found to prove either theory.
Years later it was found
they had travelled to Canada,
honeymooned at Niagara Falls
then stayed in Canada,
raised eleven children and lived happily ever after.

21 October – 9 November 2015

Topic(s) of this poem: humour

Comments about Big Knickers (Fun Poem 177) by David Harris

  • Spock The Vegan (11/19/2015 11:38:00 PM)

    Quite a story. I enjoyed reading it. If you like fun poems, you may like my Sorry Swordman, Bad Dream, and Two Wongs Don't Make a Wright. Enjoy. (Report) Reply

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Poem Submitted: Thursday, November 19, 2015

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