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Butterfly Dancing

Rating: 5.0

She stood crookedly at the desk
on that first day.
‘I’m Jasmine.’
(Surely Kate or Jane would have suited her better)

Forty-something and heavy,
with a body
that had rarely moved,
and a sad pigtail
that hung down her back

like Eeyore’s tail.
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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Wiskey Pete 07 June 2009

This is really a fine poem. A 10, for sure!

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Jerry Hughes 07 June 2009

Great word picture Allie, much love, Me

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Tony Jolley 07 June 2009

You had me at 'crookedly', Allie.... you have the happy (and well-honed) knack of giving your readers a tone-setting, often out-of-kilter word or phrase that both intrigues and helps unlock the character of your subject (I remember well the image of your schoolteacher tripping across the school playground and you had her entire character in her walk even before she had arrived) . The name as well: 'Jasmine'... after 'crooked' it was almost inevitable we'd find that to be a misnomer too. 'Sad pigtail / Eeyore' was also fabulous - we've all read Milne and seen the wonderful drawings of a sad and moping Eeyore and we can all feel instinctively how the tail-swing fit perfectly the downcast expression and ponderous movement as if he were being slowly and painfully dragged towards life and the enjoyment of it: you give us so much to key into. Very clever device, that. You also choose a childrens' story image which perhaps gives us a hint of something else about Jasmine. Cutting us 'dead' at the end with a very quick round off gives a sense of how it must have felt for you for her just not to turn up. Altogether a very nice vignette which is a Dr Who's 'tardis' of a poem: looks small from the outside, but there is always far more space inside. Out of interest - how much of this just 'comes' as you sit to write about the incident and how much do you design-in (the Eeyore line, for example) ? I stand somewhat in awe of your ability to create worlds to lose me in in such small incidents. Regards, Tony

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Meggie Gultiano 04 June 2009

An observant lady you are Ali. you make use of that talent of yours and we, your readers are blessed with your great sharing. Another deep captivating piece from a lady that i adore and love so much. Hugs from here, Meggie

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Naseer Ahmed Nasir 03 June 2009

Only a teacher of souls like you Alison can observe so deeply and change the mundane into a timeless beauty. Regards Naseer

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Graham Russell 12 August 2009

a beatuiful poem...of how we can change to a butterfly thanks.. gra

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Robert Howard 11 August 2009

Very lovely in a classic sort of way, May legions of Jasmines flit about your garden!

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Tailor Bell 15 July 2009

seems voting is slipping out of style...a 10 for this one as well. a light fanciful jaunt with only a dash of regret...perfect. -Tailor

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Sonya Florentino 23 June 2009

oh, good for her! ..I'm sure you were not entirely sad when she had to go..... you really have a knack for details...

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Stephen Stirk 08 June 2009

A poem with a moral and a bug that blossoms into a butterfly. I love the portrayal. A person mixing, challenging herself, getting better, increasing with confidence, and flying with the crowd Best Steve

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