Clocktower Poem by Michael Patrick Hunt
Clocktower
Midnight's tears
Fall upon the empyrean veil
Drowning the city's roar
Buried so far below
Phantoms dancing
In the luminescence
Trapped in the streetlamp's guile
Getting lost in the silence
Awaiting their day to rise
When the bell chimes once more
can you answer the following 2 question points, Michael, please? 1. empyrean = high, in heaven so how can ''..tears / Fall upon the empyrean veil''? 2. 'Buried so far below': does it refer to 'city' or to 'phantoms'..? I have taken it as referred to 'city' but should it be referred to 'phantoms': 'so far' in SPACE or TIME? Cheers and.. WELCOME at P.H.! :)
1. I tried to convey that the darkness of the night seemed to make the city seem like it was covered up. You've probably guessed that the tears were raindrops. It's not so much that it was raining on the sky, but raining on the thick darkness below. Also, I think using that word helps to make the tower seem taller and distant from the city. 2. I really meant both in a sense. The phantoms are the people in the city, who seem like ghosts to the tower because of the physical distance and the distance from people going through their routines with a disregard of time. I wanted to give the reader a desire to stop and appreciate each moment. I used the word phantom to represent incompleteness or not having a great impact on others because of their distractions. I know it might have not been the best word choice, but of course I am still growing as a poet. Thank you for bringing these things to my attention, it really made me think.
I love your poetry. I have never used the word 'empyrean' before. Your imagery again is beautiful and I love how you challenge the reader to slow down to read such a short pithy poem. The words themselves, even absent of mea in, are beautiful to read aloud... Then layer in the message or interpretation and a new richness emerges.
Thank you so much for your kindness and encouragement. That is exactly what I was trying to accomplish. I find a great deal of beauty in communicating complex ideas in a small amount of words. I love to use less common words for this reason.
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4/26/2024 10:27:46 AM # 1.0.0.1119
Your poem, translated into Italian.. __________________________ La torre dell'orologio - Poesia di Michael Patrick Hunt Le lacrime della mezzanotte Cadono sul velo dell'empireo Annegando il ruggito della città Sepolta giù sotto Spettri danzano Alla luce fioca Intrappolati nell'inganno del lampione E si perdono nel silenzio Aspettando che il loro giorno spunti Quando la campana rintoccherà di nuovo ____ note: I have taken ''Buried so far below'' as referred to 'city'.
glad to know that I took it right.. meaning both 'city' and phantoms' (: people) and the picture I added to the poem (my translation + your original text) isn't that bad.. is it? :) Ciao
Italian is such a beautiful language! Thank you for sharing the translation. Yes, by buried so far below I meant the city below the clock tower. In my mind, this was written in the perspective of the tower itself looking down at the city.