Andi Jakobs

Rookie (October 13,1995 / North Carolina)

Dead Dream - Poem by Andi Jakobs

I’ve consumed every inch of myself in you.
You’re all that I ever think about anymore.
But with every thought that enters my skull,
An invisible dagger slowly twists my heart.
With every dream that consists of you,
There is quiet sobs in the morning,
When I realize that it was only a dream,
And that it will forever and eternally stay.
I know that you do not feel for me as I do for you,
It shatters my heart to know you love another,
But you were never mine to love in the first place.
I scream at myself when I think of you,
I silently cry at night; I do not want to dream.
My dreams with you feel so real; so in the moment,
But when sunlight comes, and the dark vanishes
I awake from my slumber with tired eyes.
To find out that my mind has lied to me again.
I have tried everything to make you see how I feel,
But in return you still care for her.
I used to adore thinking of you, dreaming about you.
You gave me butterflies every second with you.
In my self-conscious I wanted to think maybe,
Just maybe you felt the same as I did.
But that dream came shattering apart like glass
When I saw that I had mistaken.
I know you will never love me like I do for you,
But I cannot watch you and her together.
My ever wishing dream that I someday would be her,
That I would be that girl you would hold in your arms,
You would hug and kiss like she was your everything.
That girl that you would love.
It still lingers as a dead dream in my thoughts,
But I no longer smile as bright as the sun when I see you,
I cannot any longer pretend like it doesn’t hurt me.
But do not fret my darling, I do not blame you.
I blame myself for allowing my hopes to sky rocket,
Until they shot so far out of this world,
That they became simple figments of my imagination.
My thoughts and dreams will still though haunt me
Of the reminder that your love will never be mine.
So lay me down to rest, with a dagger in my chest.
Maybe if I sleep with a knife, I’ll remember real life.

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Poem Submitted: Sunday, April 25, 2010

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