Dear Andrew Poem by Heart of Ice Die Die Die

I'm not trusting
and good like you are Andrew.
I'm hard
and calloused
and I'm a liar.
I live behind a mask
that has never been real.
Concealing myself at every turn...
Pretending to be
anything that I'm not.
Never letting anyone in
because it hurts to much
to let them in and allow them to ravage
all that I've worked for.
I just can't let your God in.
Because he's not my God.
Because my God left me a long time ago...
And he never came back,
never.
Not when I screamed his name
and begged for help.
Not when I aksed to die.
Not ever.
I haven't been the same since.
I don't have enough room
in this broken heart of mine
for him right now.
I'm not risking it,
not again,
not this time.
I can't let somone in,
no matter
how elusive and far away.
I can't let your God in Andrew.
Becuse he doesn't want something like me.
No one does.
What they want is an illusion me,
and that's all I am.
An illusion created to please the eye.