Dying In Passion Poem by Zachary Clark

Here I am, with an aim for happiness
Healthy, smiling jokes about the madness
Wish I had something, but it's sadness
With nothing but slashes across matches
As we ignite the hate, the fake the way
The world spins, as faster it makes rain
Freeze, as I try to pretend I am okay, wait
Maybe the truth is simple, I am placed away

From anything real, open and take places
From me that are friendly and open
Lost a best friend, and my lady I chosen
Fell in love with him, pictures she'd pose in
When she tells me to be something I'm not an'
She can't accept me, I tried but nauseous
Wants something I'm not, I'm not a product
A washed up reject, and here I'm locked up

Heart hurts, brain dead, heart burns armor
Harder then the mush inside, ha, partner
I breath to relax, but I'm taxed, this part hurts
Lift myself up to talk, just to get misheard
Try to clarify, get told I'm wrong, she's right
Always, never had a moment of reality strike
Pictures of the one I love, cause lonely nights
Are cold and mistakes are made, no lights

I share the deepest secrets, wish for reasons
Something recent to reach for, these demons
Are seething, breathing, internally screaming
Waiting for the beatings, there is no healing
No bosoms to lean to and no understandin'
It's a flame burning on metal spikes an' acid
I've had it, Autistic Statistic's seem to have it
Less then 1% of 11% of a 100%, damn it

Want a solution, couldn't have one, hazards
It's hazmat in the back room, it's a disaster
Past hurts, but presence is worse back turned
Lashes until it burns less, numbed words
Hum verbs, remember verses and learn
It's true, life isn't good or fair for love birds
Behind every door, a broken home, dumpsters

But here I am writing like I have words
I can't stop, can't try to see a last verse
The second I stop, it comes back, worse
Reality hits, the vacation to hell's worst
Being alone is happiness and that hurts
Because being with a loved one bursts
The truth, it's better to dream than curse
Yourself with failure until the past hurts

Who's a future for, who's the vision for
They take until there nothing but a humidor
Cigars burned until the humans floored
Left are ashes, flames ask, 'What you in for? '
Couldn't find the safe, threw it out feeling safe
So nothing's left but reminents, what's to say
Love burns hot, so when the furnaces make
A product, it's a harden chunk of metal made

Cold and beaten, I'm brittle and weakened
Sleeping, nightmares of the same treatment
Being awake and breathin' is just seein'
The ending, because happiness is fleetin'
Anger is buried, and my fears are kicked out
But pain is simmering in the kitchen, down
In the bath, drowning my love life, but sounds
Of screaming is my inner child and heart, ow

So when I'm walkin' on the edge, wish well
Cause I need to live again, numb, it is hell
Hanging by a thread, as the abyss yells
Out, half dead, pretend as I continue until
I realise the ground is down an' surrounded
Is this deafening silence, how is, the loudest
Thing in the world the absence of scowlin'
Why do I want the pain, over lack of howlin'

But yeah, keep pretendin' acting like it's me
Wish I understood, as you dance on dreams
I don't need a needle, to see the weakness
See the freedoms disappear in the bleakness
It's seamless, how you could go from smilin'
To bouncin' off your words, verbal violence
So I am terrified, terrified of your glitches
Worst to come, she's readying her switches

Yet, all I see is maybe I'm the problem here
Maybe I could fix her and say the right words
Is it I'm a lumbering macabre or nice inverted
Maybe I'm so screwed up, it's undetermined
Nice is a virtue and I've not been learnin'
Is the truth I'm a ring worm, just infectious?
Contagious a sickness, disease of patience?
Maybe I'm reason of never ending violence

Who's sick, who's missed? Who's this?
I'm someone I don't recognize, I need witness
Ashamed, ashamed from a child's eyes
Five knives in the fight lives, tied to strife
I've rites to die like pieces of types of blight
As the life disintegrates, I wish I'd write
The solution to existence, but it's manifest
Cause the truth is the reason is bad intent