Lawrence S. Pertillar

Gold Star - 68,515 Points (February/'47 / Connecticut, USA)

Focused And Fixed - Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

If I have done anything without intent to offend anyone,
With an unconsciousness to do it.
Believe me i have nothing to hide inside.
My vision has been focused and fixed with pride,
To accomplish and not just to sit in disguise.
I could have found countless reasons to complain,
But didn't. Why should I? I recognize my blessings.

I can only say it has been truth I have pursued.
And perhaps my contact with anyone delusioned,
By what it is I know I was born to do...
Misunderstood my commitment to move and set aside,
Obstacles I have had to face in this doing and not deny...
With embarrassing results that had seem relentless.

Early my lessons learned were enforced and strict.
I could not excuse what I did even if I wanted to do it.
I had to fight for the right to speak sometimes.
Only to be told those times I was out of my mind.
With those I would find trying to redefine my purpose.
As if they knew my wants, wishes, dreams and urges.

Through marriages reminisced that disappointed,
And the deaths of close family members...
A son and loved friends always within me remembered,
I can not express how difficult it was,
To lift myself sickened from hospital beds and drugged.
With a doing miraculously only with faith I could mend.
Only those who have been there know the freedom of truth.

If I have done anything without intent to offend anyone,
With an unconsciousness to do it.
Believe me I have found inner strength to confess this,
My vision has been focused and fixed to leave me addicted...
To accomplish and not just wallow away in tears to sit.
And I know today it has been God who would not allow this.
To provide me with this courage to admit my thankfulness.

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, June 22, 2013

Poem Edited: Friday, July 26, 2013

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