Into a dull day
you came all unexpected.
My afternoon shone.
Look into my eyes,
see my whole world reflected,
you at the centre.
In your eyes are tears
but your smile overcomes them.
Where is the rainbow?
There was so much more
that we could have said and done,
but we said goodbye.
These four poems flow beautifully in to one another as they tell a story of meeting and parting. However they could be reclassified as Senyru. Japanese purists maintain haiku can only be about nature and that simplicity is supposed to leave the reader with one almost perfect thought. They are sensitively written and linger in my mind... Karin Anderson
There was so much more that we could have said and done, but we said goodbye. i have said this in my heart so many times for a girl i parted with long back thanks for penning it down lovely
These are really beautiful and enjoyable poems Paul. They have the 5/7/5 structure too, in strict compliance with Haiku structure. But few are lacking some other ingreadients necessary for haik, like a 'seasonal word', especially the last haiku(though it is the best of all in terms of imagery and feel) . As a senior poet you can throw some light on this. There are so many theories floated on construction of haiku, it seems it has changed a lot from its original Japanese concept.
I feel that these haiku stand so much by themselves, they hardly need approval.
Paul, enjoyed all four. Well written, with deep meaning behind them. Ian
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.I would like to translate this poem
I love your haikus1 =) My favorite is number 3. I love the wording, 'in your eyes are tears but your smile overomes them. Where is the rainbow? ' Pretending to be happy although she is hurting inside. great job! =)