Go With The First Four Words As Title Poem by Julia Luber

The complexity and seriousness of life and politics. Even more difficult,
the complexity and difficulty of politics completely defining life. If you are
to live or not. Perhaps there is nothing more humiliating than one's own
governance taking one's life away from oneself. It's almost like capital punishment
exists simply to redeem the point of political assassination of a people. Twist
it around a bit; read deeper into it. Understand that whenever you are dealing
with politics, you are dealing with a trilliongazillion different experiences and un-
derstandings of every word, every nuance, every dollar, every KISS.
Remember, that you NEVER know who you are dealing with when it comes to the
prescient importance, complexity, and seriousness of politics and life and even
worse, life as politics and politics defining life. You don't know what my experiences
are, and I don't know what your experiences are. I don't know what wars you have
fought and you don't know what wars I have fought. I don't know your family's history
and for god's sake you don't know my family history. Just because I am Jewsih does not
mean my family was slaughtered in the Halocaust though indeed some of them were.
You don't know what I know about Israel, and I don't know what you know about Israel.
You don't know what I've done for America, and I don't know what you've done for America.
I don't know how you've stood up for freedom and you don't know how I've stood up for
freedom. You don't know me, and I don't know you. You know nothing about me.
You know nothing about My America even though you've lived here all of your life
and I know nothing about your America even though I've lived here all of my life.
You can't imagine the vast disparity of experiences and the secrets we hold precious
to our families and our dreams. You can't imagine my family's secrets and I can't imagine
yours. You can't imagine how much I hate some people who some of you love, and I can't
imagine how much you love some of the people I hate. You can't imagine why. The
sensualism of life and the evaporation of cognitive judgment is fast and powerful. I have
seen things you couldn't imagine and know things you would think I were lying if I told you.
I am not sure how these things have influenced my personality, the way I write, who
and what I love or who and what I believe in. I really don't know and I am not sure.
I can promise you this though-I am better at some things I never asked to be good at
than some things I put a lot of effort into and desired with sincere and nearly religious
dedication and intent. I am filled with a will to survive that is conscious and humiliating
because I have almost died so many humiliating and inappropriate times. I am vengeance
and I have hated for as much as I have loved. My hate has been more intense, terrible,
and over powering than my love at times. And it makes me uncomfortable. Because I
gave love to some of these people I hate intensely. In fact, some of them got the best
of me and took those memories and contaminated them into Toxic Death and Toxic
Personality and Toxic Instincts. They have NO IDEA what I am driven by and who it is
and what it is I avenge by being ALIVE. I do not like life Being an Avengement! I wanted
to simply live and love life and not live it simply as an avengement of something I did
not want to happen and that I do not understand. I am consistently surprised and feel
significantly awkward by the cruelty and insensitivity of some people I used to be so close
with. It makes me question myself to have ever befriended or given pleasure to such
people. I am angry with myself for screwing up the best things that came my way
and struggling to figure out how I could be so stupid. I did not know I was doing things
out of survival nor avengement and so I did not understand how much I needed them.
I did not understand my life was a state of avengement of Death and the cruelties and terrors that connoitre death. I see a mathematical system to emotions and intellective insights.
Five years ago I wrote a thirteen thousand page saga composed of about thirty one books that
I now have to edit. Seventy percent of writing that took me only two years. The other thirty
percent also took me two years. There was an apex to my creativity. Then, a denouement.
I have no idea how the hell I am going to edit that monster into perfection and I have no
idea how the hell I am going to turn that thing into the movie series it would be perfect
as. So…..I am out of my fiction and into my poetry; evading the better half of myself- my
Fiction.