Happy Hogan’s Hotel Poem by David Harris

Welcome to Happy Hogan’s Hotel
with a bedpan under the bed
for when the call of nature calls
in the middle of the night.
We would not like you to get
cold tootsies walking on the floor
or stumble about in the dark
looking for the toilet door.
We include a tin of air freshener
in case the air gets noxious too
and a box of matches so you can wee straight
and not across the floor.
If you do, it will leak through the ceiling
and onto the person on the floor below
and they might not be happy
lying in a soggy bed.
Welcome to the Happy Hogan’s Hotel
your needs are what we happily cater for
and any complaint will be dealt with quickly
in the alley around the back,
it is quite painless and it is also free.
We’ve never had any complaints
after they see the sumo wrestler
whose job is to sort them out.
Welcome to the Happy Hogan’s Hotel
and we hope you like your stay
the atmosphere here is always cheerful
as any prison can be.
If you don’t want to visit
then you know just what to do.
When you are asked to pay your fine
just do it on time
or you to can join us
at the Happy Hogan’s Hotel.


17 October 2009