If It's Free! Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

If it's free...
With no purchase necessary?
And you have my address,
You confessed you got online!
You have my email and zipcode...
And a copy of the worse photo,
I've taken in my life...
For the first time! ; -)

You call me on the phone,
Knowing I've been divorced...
And married twice.
To ask me to confirm if it's me,
In my own home!
To play 'kittens skipping with mice'.
That's not awfully bright!
Not at this hour of the night!

I 'thought' you said you had a gift for me?
If it's free...
Send it!

That's none of your business,
If I'm still single Or live alone!
You will know if I'm pleased,
By not getting a response
When the gift arrives and is received!

Wasn't that easy?
Now just send it...
IF It's FREE!