In Her Absence Poem by Koyugray Kyouga

I can't think of much else, Janet.
Either You come to my mind, or I liken everything else to You.
At first, these melancholic, nostalgic hang-ups were beautiful.
The striking contrasts given by the black poured over the white.
Then black covered everything, there was no whiteness left.

Ah, what a poetic situation, Janet! separation, You being far from me, me leaving myself, and the possibility of being in Your eyes again one day...
Like a conscious traffic accident knowing that it won't kill.
Understand me, Janet...
This was a first, an existence that happened too much at once for an empty heart and then a disappearance.
Who could have guessed that this could be a cycle that would continue for years?

I was remembering You willingly, playing songs that would remind me of You.
I was worshiping the monument in the middle of my heart,
I was referring to You at every opportunity.
Indeed, I was wandering with You more when we were apart than when we were together.

Then this situation started to leave a bitter taste in my thoughts,
A place in my soul that I wasn't aware of before started to bleed, I couldn't stop it. I was scared, would I die?
I didn't die. At least once.

I convinced myself that You were a parasite,
I tried to distance You from my cells with all the anti-Janets I could find.
I even put various embargoes on my thoughts so You wouldn't wander.
It didn't work, Janet, You were stronger than everything.
You continued to exist in all my places with Your various tricks.

Even the movie being a movie on its own is You...
Let's say I'm trying to find a movie to watch...
From the genre 'that won't remind me of You even slightly', my favorite.
Anyway, I press the play button.
Everything is going well until one of the Janet-esque ones appears on the screen again.
I'm not surprised...
I pretend like You're a bit in the room.
I sacrifice my soul in the middle of the room to You and complete my ritual.

Then one day I realized that I could do all this without You, Janet.
When the time comes, I'm worshiping You again, remembering You with various things, and that unknown part of my soul is bleeding again.
Now and again I'm without You, I exist again and then I disappear.
That's it, Janet, don't worry about me. You're gone now.
As You know, I can't think of much else.