Julien Baker Poem by Andrus Cassian

"I wish I could write songs about anything other than death"
the first words I heard sprout wings of birds into the atmosphere
it gripped deeply, a steady hand before a fall; for a head too heavy to stand tall
call it a happy accident, an elegance to be discovered only by pure chance
a Vegas roulette stroke of magic
Calm down, calm down
words heard over the composer's tears
she is not a legend nor beacon
a gravitational pull to wrap around
no she's a black hole of sadness and introspection, an outcast speaking from experience so dark and hazy
Please provide her a rope to crawl out and let her see hope again
Her attention is absconded, disobedient, chaotic
I can't help but wonder if those are my own inner thoughts buried so deep
a weighted treasure chest never to be uncovered coming to life
manifested into the voice of another tranquil soul
yet, yet the admiration of her sound shines through as she releases song after song pricking curious ears to perk in response to her enticing words of fortune and failure
struggles and dismay of how tough it is to survive like the conclusion I'll reach is a way for her to realize it's not that bad
despite my own belief this world is a torment, despite my own divided belief that life is complicated
Life is diluted with misunderstandings, wavering viewpoints focused on trivial nonsense; aspects of this world that don't matter overshadow what needs true concern
It's reached a saturation of bitter tastes, coated in different opinions no one can control
Hold on to sanity, just hold on but we are just skittish fools living with brittle bones no matter how strong we claim to be
rather how much our pride would leave us to believe so here we find new ways to hide our weaknesses
in songs of rejoice, to celebrate what we have today
what we learned yesterday, what's to come tomorrow
And here is where my ode falls apart
compliments, my attempt to compliment waver for my mind is stuck in reality
wanting the rest of the human race to see what I saw on the blacktop back in the days of youth
where we called each other by names, not by colors
where we played and worked together
instead of creating an endless array of funeral pyres, a cascade of fireworks setting off only in graves
Is this what we needed most, is it true
Run! Run fast, sprinting and sprinting on sprained ankles for fortnights into warm winters
is the world really so cold
Hey Baker, can you give me a song to listen to on the way home
I don't drive, it hurts my mind less being free to walk wherever instead of being constricted by fabric that may not ever help
An inquiry please, what is your "Ballad of Big Nothing" if not a small something
did you ever fix the hole in your drywall before you took a walk in the woods to turn off the lights
or were you running late, fretting to miss another appointment
Are you truly happy to be here or are you shadowboxing the image you place yourself in mirrors, a comparable televangelist
Is it something more
are you trying to say something, something more than we see
You don't have to answer me because honestly I look up to you, an inspiration
I admire you and I don't blame you for feeling the way you do
Created in us is a sense of patience and the daily irritance, testing, resting inside civilization is enough to whittle it all away
Cast it away, a sailboat to the Atlantic or maybe a humble treefort; live amongst nature, maybe for ambience
anything to keep out these disconcerting voices of make believe, manifesting into reality by contorting into demons growing into adults
chastising my choices, my efforts
Oh look drywall, a home for my fist
but I'd rather move toward your arms
a hug from a hero is all that is missed
Tell me are we even
You wrote for yourself and shared it with the world, gaining a following, gaining fans
Here I am, a counterpart
Blending this work, a hymn to catch your attention but it's also a bleeding affect for the words in my chest
In all honesty, I love your voice
I love your pain because all I want to do is rush to you and help you
More importantly I just want to say thank you
thank you for letting me feel
thank you for telling your stories, for being an inspiration
Julien Baker
thank you for being real