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Koby Moore

Modesto, Ca, United States
Koby Moore
Modesto, Ca, United States
Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Just One Big Dream

Rating: 2.8
Remember your first Fourth of July
And watching the fireworks light up the night blue sky
Or your first Halloween
And everything seemed so scary and mean
Or your first Thanksgiving
Where evryone was happy that they were living
Or your first Christmas gift
And when you saw it, it gave you an emotionally happy lift

Remember your first birthday
Where you could have one wish, and what it was you couldn't say
Or your first day of school
Where you thought it was fun and cool
Or your first crush
And every time they would talk to you, you would blush
Or your first friend
Always saying that this friendship will last till the end

Remember your first realtionship
Where you tried holding it together with every last grip
Or your first kiss
You went for it and it was a total miss
Or your first fight
Where you thought you would come out alright
Or your first funeral where a loved one died
Where you sat by the grave and cried

Remember when you first got married
And you promised that you'd be next to eachother when buried
Or your first child
Where you thought they'd grow up crazy and wild
Now you are sick
And you just got news that you would die quick

But right before, you die you wake up
And you get up really abrupt
You can't remember a thing
And you think till your ears ring
Isn't it hard to seem
That your life was just one big dream...
Koby Moore
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COMMENTS
Bri Edwards 09 February 2014
my only regret about the comment i just left is that probably no one will ever read it, including the poet, as his only poems online here are from 2010. : (
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Bri Edwards 09 February 2014
Koby, For the most part i find this to be a fine poem, full of nice rhyming as a bonus. but it could be better (for me at least) if you were more careful to proofread, maybe more than once. i think that would cut down on errors, at least some of which i will now point out to you. no need to pay me; it's a free service! [NOT all of the following comments are about errors.] - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - ....... light up the night blue sky.............at first i liked the word blue here. but after thinking about it more, i've decided i don't like it. how many times has the night sky been blue, especially for a night of fireworks, unless the fireworks were blue? ? - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Where evryone was happy that they were living..................everyone - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Or your first kiss You went for it and it was a total miss I REALLY LIKED THESE LINES - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Remember your first realtionship ............relationship oops! ! - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - And you promised that you'd be next to eachother when buried [i see, from one previous comment, and how your poem reads now, that you took one eachother out already] i found this explanation of the use of eachother' online: eachother English Pronoun eachother (nonstandard) Common misspelling of each other. Typically used in the context of with eachother as opposed to each other thing. SEE, IT IS CALLED A MISSPELLING. use each other. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - But right before, you die you wake up .............leave out the comma between before and you; i would agree with you if you put commas in as follows: But, right before you die, you wake up.... - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - You can't remember a thing And you think till your ears ring my ears never rang but i have racked my brain a few times trying to remember what a dream was (about) . I LIKE IT. - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - Isn't it hard to seem That your life was just one big dream... while i like the seem/dream rhyme, the line Isn't it hard to seem doesn't seem right to me. how about writing Isn't it hard to believe, though it may seem, and maybe a question mark could be used at the ending, though i guess not everybody would use one there; obviously you didn't, for whatever reason. i HAVE read in some novels some sentences (rhetorical?) where a sentence seems like a question to me, but the author does not use a question mark. it was enjoyable reading the very believable snippets about various significant life moments. [i don't think i've ever written the word snippet before...............ever.] thanks for sharing. bri :)
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Kaycie Cooper 25 June 2010
Greatly penned. It certainly goes give you something to think about, scares me in a good way, to think that the 15 years i have lived, could just be a vivid dream. Bravo :)
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Morelis.G Salgado 22 June 2010
wow.....wow.......this is really good......i remember the other day u told me you just started and now look...........keep up the good work...... ;)
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Lesly Dee 18 June 2010
This is a really good one Koby... But just a comment or tip if you wiil, in the line: 'And you promised eachother you'd be next to eachother when buried' the word 'eachother' is said twice... if you were to delet the first 'eachother' it would sound a little better and you would still give off the same message. Keep writing!
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From a good imagination! Well put together. Keep penning; D
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Ronald Stroman 16 June 2010
very well stated poetically.... un-rantastic.
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Stephanie Carr 15 June 2010
I love this one! It is so sweet and sad but beautiful all the same! Keep on writing. I don't have time to keep reading cause it's late. night! XD
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Will Althen 15 June 2010
Good potential, your a good rhymer.
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