Just Trying Not To Cry Poem by Heart of Ice Die Die Die

Just sitting here
trying not to cry
over someone who wouldn't cry
over me.
But,
it's just so hard.
Especially since,
his face haunts my thoughts.
His smile
invades my dreams
and dictates my worst nightmares.
He said
he'd always be there for me.
But where the hell
is he right now?
When I need him now
more than ever?
With the blade to my already scarred body
and trying so hard
not to add another scar.
More for him
than for myself.
But would he do something that big
just for me?
Re-write
his entire self
and his entire life
just for me?
Give up the thing
that makes him feel sane?
Even if it's unhealthy?
Probably not.
He wants me to listen
and help him
when the very thought
of who he needs help with
makes me cry.
Makes me bully myself
right to tears.
All the things I've done for him
all the things I've done to myself for him
all the things I've done to myself because of him.
And I'm still sitting here
just trying not to cry
over someone
who wouldn't cry over me.

Jan.-16-10