Leaping Poem by Amanda Lukas

He asked, gleefully, how I was doing that day,
that same way to which I had become accustomed,
as if he would always be there.
Always jovial and joking.
Never serious.
Never ready.

Always and never.
Seems to be the story of my life.

And I forced myself to break the news to him
that someone was there now
filling the spot I had so wanted him to fill
had he been daring enough to do so.
My eyes were tear-filled
for a million reasons and none at all,
since he'd never given the chance for more than nothing,
yet given every reason for me to wish for it all.

And so I held my breathe
as I jumped feet-first from my lifeboat missing its paddles
into water that I'm still not sure isn't too shallow
to cushion my fall.