Loathsome - Poem by Christina Simmons
Came back for the family loved more than
appreciated life itself; this self-loathing goes
beyond a joke: It's serious above all other doubts
Want so much to desire unseen qualities about me
But still struggle with these negative thoughts
Of not good enough! Perhaps showing as sparkling as a diamond
or as beautiful; looking every bit a lotus flower
Seemed as dirty as mud just stained and tarnish
So ingrained are they at times forget they lurk
in the dark shadows waiting to prance when my guard is dropped
Try to put on a brave face by smiling only not
able too seldom does it come: my eyes are wide and
startle, staring right through as if I possess ex-ray vision
I'm unable to keep focused glare directly at you
It's very much like watching through modern man, it seems I'm
not really present although here very much so
Treat me like I exist someone who matters and counted
Remarkably seen as important; instead viewed
with repulsion: Imaged I portrayed is that of
a dimwit? Aaah! Sees what's written on my features
I was born a woman so meant to be man's trouble and strife?
Make it easy for me not so hard to bland! Smell the coffee?
Trying too! Seek not happiness among human beings,
As they can provide only temporary highs and rest of time supply
Am I fading away faster than lightening? ? ?
All I possess is hidden deep within and
like a flower it unfolds at every passing dawn.
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