Logic Poem by Herbert Nehrlich

He called me early on that fateful day,
his dentist had been rushed and in a mood,
perio will wreck you, heart and all, so you can pray
don't eat omega threes, in fact forego all food!

They'd found a link between the heart and common plaque,
it seemed that bugs would travel gum to arteries,
they'd told my friend and buddy, dear old cousin Jack
that they'd extract all of his teeth and then say CHEESE!

He left the clinic in a cloud of sheer despair,
picked up a jug of liquid spirits from the South,
at home he poured it and assembled with due care
a strange concoction, it was destined for his mouth.

He then consulted his old mirror to confirm
that age had truly overtaken him, then some,
it was high time to end, with honour his last term
but pills..? He shot his thirty-eight right through the gum.