My Dark Sun Poem by janice etienne

I don't know anymore
Who i am
What i can do
It's all out of my hands and i don't care to understand

I want to hide away
Embrace the pain
Cry internally
But who... who would breathe for me?

Burdens, sins, self destruction
It's all too real
Penetration of guilt
A suicidal filth

Hide it, save it, run with it.... away
Cause they won't understand
That it's all out of my hands

Endure every needle
Embrace every part of my suffering
In a rain thats of dark happiness
Insanity filling up the rest
Of my world
Who i am?
Where do i stand?
Take it all away from my hand

A pulse thats too overbearing
A place thats not worth caring
I can't change it
I won't share it
This.... all of it belongs to me
Internally
The baby of my death
The river of my fear that i stand so still in
Although it's cold and nothing covers me in the pain of my shame
I pray... prayers waiting for savior
But here i am giving up confused seeing nothing to lose
A statue of solitude

The sun at the end of my river, my stream, my ocean
The candle in my darkness, my happiness it's all standing still
My baby my sin my sun
Your melody your song of life
You belong to me
Dark sunlight shining it's rays down on me
That makes it so hard to see life calamity
and it's debris

And i fall silently
Waiting.... asking
Who will carry me into the sun?
Why does it take so long?