My Lot In Life Poem by Marama Kelly

I held my shame close to my chest
I would not let it be known
If any saw what I had done
they'd beat me to the core
I did not know what I would do
or where I'd even go
but all I knew that made much sense
was to hide away my soul

I held my pain down deep inside
I could not share a drop
If they did see what I went through
They'd never treat me the same
How could I live if they all knew
the truth behind the smile
They'd run away in guilt and shame
and I would be the blame

I held my anger in my heart
I should not let it out
For if I did it would destroy
to pay back what was done
Who could know the pain so deep
the anguish, guilt and shame
Of one whose lot was innocence
twisted to conform to sin

I could not blame a soul I knew
for all that life did throw
It was my lot to carry guilt
amidst the darkness held
Where could I go to hide myself
and still be held upright
deprived of human feelings
that helped all men to cope

Such was life to keep me bound
a slave to evil's plan
Never allowed to venture out
In case I told the world
So steps were made to tie me up
in shame, pain, blame and guilt
Just to ensure my failings rose
much higher than my hopes

But now I know what is for me
It breaks down every hold
It sets me free to be myself
to share all comfort and joy
So now I know inspired by life
to give to all I know
the joy of joys held in the heart
that breaks hells chains so cold

(2009/03/12)
(Not a true story although it is founded on experiences had)