My Strategy For Telemarketers - Poem by Kim Barney
When I get a call on my cell phone
from a number with which I am not familiar,
I do not say "Hello."
Instead, I speak in a voice as monotone
as possible, as if I were a computer,
and I say:
"You have reached a number that does not accept solicitations.
If you are a solicitor, please add this number to your Do Not Call
list, and hang up now. Otherwise, if you are not a computer, but a real human who speaks American English without a foreign accent,
please prove it by singing any song by Willie Nelson or George Strait."
I have never had to say the entire thing before they hang up.
Usually I don't get past the word "Otherwise", but last night
I did get as far as the word "English".
Poet's Notes about The Poem
If they are still on the line and you have said it all and they are just waiting for the beep that isn't coming, you could say something like:
"Come on, I'll help you get started. On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..."
19 January 2020
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