Kim Barney

Gold Star - 178,432 Points (Oct 6 / I was born in a bank - - my mother went there and made a deposit)

My Strategy For Telemarketers - Poem by Kim Barney

When I get a call on my cell phone
from a number with which I am not familiar,
I do not say "Hello."

Instead, I speak in a voice as monotone
as possible, as if I were a computer,
and I say:

"You have reached a number that does not accept solicitations.
If you are a solicitor, please add this number to your Do Not Call
list, and hang up now. Otherwise, if you are not a computer, but a real human who speaks American English without a foreign accent,
please prove it by singing any song by Willie Nelson or George Strait."

I have never had to say the entire thing before they hang up.
Usually I don't get past the word "Otherwise", but last night
I did get as far as the word "English".

Topic(s) of this poem: telephone

Poet's Notes about The Poem

Of course, if it is someone who knows your voice and really wants to talk to you, they will either interrupt your spiel or listen to the whole thing waiting to leave you a message.

If they are still on the line and you have said it all and they are just waiting for the beep that isn't coming, you could say something like:

"Come on, I'll help you get started. On the road again, just can't wait to get on the road again..."

19 January 2020

Comments about My Strategy For Telemarketers by Kim Barney

  • Belle WassermeisterBelle Wassermeister (1/19/2020 6:40:00 PM)

    I love Willie Nelson! What an icon he is! (Report)Reply

    3 person liked.
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  • Belle WassermeisterBelle Wassermeister (1/19/2020 6:38:00 PM)

    That's hilarious! I may change a few words and try this myself! (Report)Reply

    3 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • Kim BarneyKim Barney (1/19/2020 11:57:00 AM)

    You are welcome to adapt this as needed and use it yourself. It's fun! (Report)Reply

    7 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
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Poem Submitted: Sunday, January 19, 2020

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