My Visit With My Friend Barack Obama - Poem by alan brown
My visit with my friend Barack Obama
It was late on a Friday night when I finely made up me mind to go over to that place called America, to see my old friend Barack Obama. Well I say my old friend I had posted a few bits of advice on his Facebook wall and he must have taken them seriously as he did win again.
I knew that when I got there he would remember his old pal Geordy who had helped him get re-elected again.
I had booked a flight from Newcastle airport for Saturday but it didn't leave until seven o'clock that night. It was a twelve hour flight so I knew I wouldn't be there before seven in the morning and by the time I got a taxi to his white house I would just be in time for me dinner.
I was looking forward to dinner with Barack as I knew he liked a good steak medium rare just like me. I just hoped he'd put a few potatoes on the side and a good helping of onion gravy on me plate as I am quite a big eater being eighteen stone.
I went to bed that night but found it very hard to sleep as I had to be at the airport two hours before my flight took off. I don't know why they want you there that early maybe they have to count the people going on the flight a few times just to make sure they get it right. Can you imagine getting all the way to America and the Air Hostess counting 501,502? .O my god wheres 503 we must have left him at Newcastle airport. Now that would cause a great deal of problems as they couldn't just fly back and get him as it would take to long. They would probably send him on the next flight, but he would be very late.
I thought that I'd better leave bright and early as I would not want that to happen to me, and if I was in the first ten in the line they probably wouldn't make a mistake like that so early on.
I arrived at the airport three hours before my flight and do you know there were still ten people in-front of me. They must have been having the same thoughts as me and didn't want to be left behind.
I stood there in the line for over an hour before anyone came and booked us in but finely my bag was taken and my passport checked so all I had to do now was get through the customs.
I went upstairs and made my way into the customs checking and reading all of the signs as I went through.
Anything to declare like bottles of water pop or bombs, well I knew I had some water so I drank that as quickly as I could making sure it was all gone before I got to the scanner as I knew they would only take it off me and it had cost me fifty pence and I wasn't going to wast all of that money.
It seemed a very strange poster asking you to declare bombs and the like.[Hold on just one moment Mr Customs officer I think I have a bomb in me case. Could you hold this bag for me while I pull this cord].What terrorist in his right mind would declare his bomb. That would be a daft thing to do as they would lock him up for life.
I thought I'd better get those thoughts out of me mind as it was bad enough being frighted of flying without worrying about bombs.
I emptied my pockets and put my items on a tray and of they went through the scanner. I walked through the body scanner and it made this kind of buzzing sound. I was stopped by this really good looking blond as I tried to retrieve my tray. She asked me to stand still while she scanned me and her buzzer went off as well. I just couldn't understand why it was going off as I had put all of my items on the tray. She looked like she didn't believe me as she had a very serious look on her face as she told me to remove my shoes.
Well the look of surprise on my face when I took of me shoes and there inside was my chewing gum from the day before. I had wrapped it in some tin foil to keep it fresh when I went to bed and forgotten I had put it in my shoe. The customs didn't look very happy with my explanation but they put it in the bin and eventually let me through.
All I had to do now was get on the plane and soon I would be having dinner in the white house. I was still wondering why he had called it the white house as I boarded the plane.
I sat at my seat and got myself comfortable next to the window so I could get a good look at airport as the plane took off.
I don't know why I had sat next to the window as I was dizzy just looking down at the tarmac and the plane had not started moving yet.
It came over the mike that we were taxing out for take off. I'd already paid for one taxi that morning and was only hoping that they were not going to charge me for another one before we could take off.
My mind was set at rest when the plane shot forward like a bullet and I instantly brought up last nights supper. Luckily it went in the bag in-front of my seat.I only hoped that know one wanted to read the magazines on the return flight as they would be a bit soggier by then.
I started to relax a bit once the plane had leveled off and every one had gave a big sigh of re-leaf.
I decided to take one of my sleeping pills as that would make the flight seem shorter but after about half an hour I wished I hadn't taken it as the air hostess kept on waking me up to see if I was ok. I would be ok if she would only leave me alone.[ Do you want a drink sir, there might be some turbulence sir, are you comfortable sir]. If I wasn't comfortable I told her I wouldn't be snoring.
She pestered me the whole flight and I was not very happy when we arrived at the airport in america.
We left the plane to go to the customs and as I had said before I was very happy I was a low number, as the air hostess didn't look very happy with herself as she counted us off.
I walked down the airplanes steps and took a great big breath of fresh american air. I coughed a few times from the exhaust fumes but I soon got over that.
Off I went into the customs.
There was a huge line of people in front of me and it took nearly forty minuets before I was standing in-front of the customs officer.
He then asked me a few questions which was strange as all the people in front of me had virtually walked through.
I smiled up at him as he asked.Do you have anything to declare, no I said. Have you ever lived in Birmingham.no I said, What a silly question to ask a Geordy as he should know Geordies only come from Newcastle, but I let him babble on Have you ever used another name he asked. This was getting very strange but I still answered no.
Wait there a moment sir he said to me as he pressed a button below the counter. The next thing I know is two policeman with guns out frog march me through the airport with everybody watching, .
I couldn't tell you how stupid I felt as they pushed me into this small room. It was painted a very bright white and had a single small table and two chairs in the middle.
What the hell is happening here I was thinking just as the two policemen walked back in.
They asked me where I lived and how long I'd lived at that address. Well I told them I had been there all of me life but they seemed to just ignore that.
Then they asked me what I had in my luggage. I listed most of the things but as you know when you are packing in a hurry to see Barack you can forget exactly what you have packed.
They were still looking at me very strangle as the officer on the right produced a small brown box and laid it on the table in-front of me with a great big grin on his face.
Now I knew what the problem was they though I was a drug dealer from Birmingham and this was my stash.
I picked up the small brown box and stuck my finger in it and licked my finger to show them that it was ok. But that only made it worse as the manhandled me to the floor.
I was trying to explain to them that it was my Bisto gravy salt that Id packed for Obama to make a some nice onion gravy with, to go with the steak dinner he was making as I loved Bisto.
They dragged me back up and pushed me down in the chair and it wasn't until they had analyzed the gravy salt that they finely let me go.
I just could not believe the treatment I had received trying to see me mate Obama and I thought this was the land of the free.
Well forget about all of that now as sometimes you get little hiccups when traveling. At least I was free to go and see my pal now. I walked outside the airport and thought that I might have to wait a while to catch a cab, but there were thousands of them all yellow.They looked like a huge banana split bent around the airport buildings.
I jumped into the very first cab and asked him to take me to the White house.I could see his face in the rear view mirror and he seemed to think I was a bit doolally, but he set off in the right direction.
It took a very long time before we reached the white house and by the amount of dollars he charged me I think he had been driving around in circles just to put the fare up a bit.
Well I had finely arrived and could see why they called it he White House, as it was all white and I still had one hour before dinner time so I knew I wouldn't be late.The place was very impressive, with its nice cut lawns and the fountain looked fantastic.I would have to complement Barack on his good gardening sense. I also took note that I might just put a fountain in my back yard as his was so spectacular.
I walked up to the front door but when I knocked I got no answer so I thought I would go around the back and look in the windows to see if I could find Obama as he might just be having an afternoon nap in one of the back rooms before dinner.
Is't it strange how all these country rulers are always fenced in or have locked gates.It took me quite a lot of energy to get over the high fence and the tingling feeling that I was feeling all of the way over, it was just like the one I got at home when I tried to re-wire the electric lamp, but it was quite nice really.
Once on the other side I went in search of the windows to see if I could get a hold of him as I didn't want to be late as that would be very rude.
I looked in every window that I passed but to no avail. I couldn't find him anywhere.
Then as luck would have it I spotted him sitting at a table with what looked like his wife out on the back lawn drinking iced lemonade.
I was going to shout out, but I thought that I might surprise him. As I know he wouldn't believe that me a Geordy had come all this way just to see him and have dinner with him.
Well I was right he did get a surprise when I tapped him on the shoulder. In fact he got that much of a surprise he legged it back into the White house with his misses screaming. I stood there in disbelief with my mouth wide open. Id come all this way and he didn't have the bottle to say hello.
Then to my added surprise out of the house there came running half of the Washington DC police force with their guns pointing at me telling me to get on the ground.This brought back bad memories as a similar thing had happened when I had went to see my old friend Lizzie in London.
I lay on the ground and they soon had me tied up like a hog waiting to be roasted.
They carried me inside and locked me in another white room with a table and two chairs, I think they must not have a lot of money to buy furniture in the USA as the rooms were so sparse.
I knew that everything would be ok once Id told them why I was there, and they hadn't even give me a chance to give him the Bisto for his onion gravy.
I don't know why but after I had told them my story, they took me back to the airport that very night and put me on a plane back to England, although I had told them I already had a ticket for a flight back the very next night. A very strange place the USA. Next time I go to visit Obama I think I will send him a text first just to make sure that he is not going to get a shock when I turn up. As he did go very red when he saw me,
Well I will just have to go home to Newcastle and tell all me palls that he wasn't in when I got there.
Do you think that they will believe me, as they were all expecting me to bring presents back from Barack, as you know he is a very rich man.
Well I think Ill take another sleeping tablet as it makes the flight fly over, that's unless the air hostesses disturb you
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