Pain Poem by HB Rita

I'm suffering,
You do not understand
Frequent fear of living in pain
eating my brain everyday
I do not know what the future has set for me
I do not know how tomorrow's morning will be like,
I do not know what a day is without pain
How will my bill be paid, uncertain?
Am I losing my physical capacity?
I do not even know
The journey in uncertain darkness increasing my pain levels
No one understand how I am living with pain everyday....
Neither you.

I am shouting with fear
I do not think anyone is listening
I feel I do not have any friends
All the family members have abandoned me
Even the doctors were exhausted changing the medicines
They say, it's working
You say, this is all in your mind
Stand up, walk and run
You don't understand where I'm stuck
You will never understand
I am constantly screaming with pain
I am living in a terrible nightmare.

You do not believe that
I am the one who can only measure the depth of pain
Look at me
Listen to me
I am a poor girl turning in to blue in severe pain
Thinking of uncertain recovery, mental disorder is vulnerable
I know there is no way to cure this pain
I also know that there could be a horrific ending for me
Nevertheless, I want you to give me assurance of being who i am
I want you to reward me
Because I'm brave, I am a warrior
I welcome a new morning every day living with pain
Rush to serve the family in the kitchen
Wash the dirty dish bowls
Keep them comfortable
I do everything with intolerable pain
I do not leave anything for later.

You say steroids, morphine will jump me to sleep
You do not agree that every night I'm tired of sleeping down my sleeves
I go back to nostalgia
I think, who was I one day?
I can not match myself today
I feel helpless
I steam so loud and realize
The pain slowly drilled into me, all the way inside
I call on God
I say, O God! Why me? Why it is only me?
He remained unaffected as usual
Therefore, again I fall a sleep in a mutual understanding with pain
The next morning, you judge me wrong looking at my smily face
Because you are not aware of the nightmare i just had
You really do not understand;
I spend every night in fear
Carrying the horrible pain in my body everyday,
I realize, the smell of the human body is disappearing....