Paradise Gained - Poem by Herbert Nehrlich
Albert and Hulda lived in style,
they walked each Saturday a mile,
ate vegetables, fruits and bread
but then, they ended up quite dead.
Up to the Pearly gates they flew
St. Peter and his trusted crew
asked questions of the lovely pair
and took them into God's own care,
he showed them to their home in Heaven,
'twas on cloud nine, number eleven.
There were such riches in that house,
so Albert said, my dearest spouse
I can just see how they would give
such luxuries to those who live,
but to the dead, it bogs the mind
I did not know God would be kind.
Upstairs the had a spa and golden taps
outside the pool for morning laps,
a golf course just around the bend
where would this lavish lifestyle end?
St. Peter said, it's all for free
as this is Heaven, take this key
and open to your heart's content
all morsels, sweet and succulent.
But, asked sweet Hulda, if you please
we need be careful of disease,
low fat and buttermilk and soy
cholesterol, the horse of Troy!
No worries, Peter said, you may
eat what you fancy, and you pay
no fees and not with failing health,
as this is Heaven, take the wealth
and do enjoy what you've been given
I know you like the man named Niven,
he is your neighbour, David, yes,
I'll leave you now, and God will bless
the two of you for evermore
Good luck in Golf, I hope your score
will please you as it will the host,
and do come by, we'll have a roast
down near the Northern Star, at two
welcome again, the two of you!
Albert turned to his spouse right then
and said: It's typical of men
you baked those muffins, bran and oats,
took measures, tests and kept your notes.
Had we, the two of us not slaved
and watched our diets, had we braved
our tastes and cravings, it is clear
we could have been in this place here,
in eighty five, if we just had
been less religious and more bad.
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