Petaluma Police Car Tires Poem by Tony Avila Sampson

Parked at the curb,
The Petaluma Police could not observe,
The car their sarge had parked;

Not very far,
I found me that car,
And quickly thereto embarked;

While I approached the police cruiser,
I viewed the 'soon to be' accuser,
Yet continued on with my plan;

Two tires were popped,
As downward they dropped,
I fled in my sedan;

A laughing desire,
Brought a slash to each tire,
Done in full brightness of the day;

There I lurked,
Around the corner the cops worked,
And with them came my chance to play;
;
From each tire's quick blow,
Came the thrill hearing the air let flow,
And to the ground them rims did go;

By the knife's quick swing,
Came laughter from the hiss sound of air leaking,
While leaving the surprise of needing a tow;

No, 'Candid Camera' wasn't there,
To capture the officer's expression or glare,
When he viewed the car he left so careless;

Did he first move his car,
To discover that he couldn't drive far? ,
Did he hear the hiss or were they flat and airless?

Oh, what a dare,
For me to hear that gush sound of air,
Then escape, without being caught;

But with a short quiz,
The accuser said, 'I know who it is! ',
Well, my sedan, the police then sought;

My laughter was hard,
While I headed for my yard,
Though trouble was coming my way;

All patrol units looked about,
To search me out,
For the trouble that I now must pay,

While homeward I scoot,
Came a Sonoma County sheriff's deputy in pursuit,
Riding his cruiser close to my rear;

Bright red lights flashed on,
The fun was gone,
But still, I had no fear;

The joy it brought,
Was lost when caught,
And the laughter vanished away;

Very few people knew,
About the other police tires I blew,
And now just caught this day;

Stopped outside my home gate,
Came red lights to wait,
The identification of who they caught;

Patrol units swarmed about,
It was me, they had no doubt,
They've captured who they sought;

Police car hysteria,
Was swarming the area,
Oh, it was boiling hot;

Like a beehive ready,
With a sting so steady,
A large police force quickly was brought;

'Put cuffs on them hands...'
As the police sergeant commands,
'...then take 'em in for lockup...'

With two flats on the cruiser,
The joke was a doozer,
As the number of times, years over, buildup;

I was brought before a judge,
But really...I had no grudge,
Gave forty dollars to the bondsman to bail;

As the jail door opened wide,
Quickly, I dashed outside,
Now released from the Sonoma County Jail;

I appeared in court again and again,
But a plea bargain made that end,
And no more jail time had I to pay;

Made unhappy, I was,
But that could be because,
'Pay for two tires and don't do it again', heard I, the court say;

Other police agencies know,
Twenty-eight of their tires went low,
The Cotati police headquarters suffered the worst;

Well, with two tires to buy,
My score remains still very high,
Considering the others I prior had burst;

If it ever happens again,
It won't be me, though I'll still grin.
I've retired, finally, from this crime;

The memory I still bare,
The laughter, its thrill and dare;
And the story turned now into rhyme;