Imprisonment Poem by Tony Avila Sampson
Imprisonment
Feel captivities firm grip smother out the fun,
The stretch of its reach felt with each pass of the sun;
Metal doors slam shut, rumbling their echos down the hall,
Now come jail bar shadows to lurk upon the night wall;
There would come death to silence but for the jailers' keys,
To rattle the quiet where freedom none sees;
Moment by moment goes time so deep to know,
Where the inuring gloom of imprisonment, time creeps so very slow...
This is a much better poem than the other two poems of the day. I would suggest a couple of changes to make it even better. In line three, what does the pronoun ITS refer to? Does it refer to the METAL DOORS? If so, change the door to singular or the pronoun to plural like this: (The) Metal DOOR SLAMS shut, rumbling its echo... or Metal doors slam shut, rumbling THEIR ECHOS... In line six, I'm quite sure you meant QUIET instead of QUITE. And did you really mean to end the poem with a semicolon, or is there a line or two missing at the end? Well done, and congratulations!
Thanks for pointing that out to me, Kim. Took your advice and I'm now waiting for the changes to show. Again, thanks.
where freedom none sees.....A nice imagination and the poem also.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/23/2024 10:15:44 AM # 1.0.0.1119
Very good poem, well done! congrats on getting poem of the day!