Pulled From Deep Sleep Poem by Mehta Hasmukh Amathaal
Pulled From Deep Sleep
I was pulled from deep sleep,
Clock simply surged and made a beep,
Heavy but gentle push on my chest,
“Keep ready “we are going to west,
“What west” I exclaimed and posed question,
Why don’t you say who you are and purpose mention?
Heard harsh reply “We are here for further prevention”
You staying here is now out of question,
I could sense some big trouble,
Couldn’t answer or find the words probable,
They were armed with arms and ammunition
Ready to take in caged condition,
I now got little sense and projected,
Taking me by force idea rejected,
Oratory and ideas simply objected,
Unmoved by all, their views simply presented,
Here law of rule and land prevail,
No body simple come and rights curtail,
I may have sometime to prepare,
If you can see the reason and compare,
I have still unfinished job,
Many more cheatings and to rob,
It will be simply lost and gone,
All the year’s work may be undone,
Why you want to take me in early age?
Many things to be written on blank page,
I have yet to start the gambling den,
Money to be multiplied from one to ten,
“Get fast ready for further journey” blasted heavy man,
No amount of arguments or tricks play can,
You are taking heavenly journey,
Leave here all your wealth and money,
I just rubbed the eyes and pinched body,
Really it was I or somebody?
Was it not a horrible dream?
I was awakened by direct sun beam
May be it not a simple incidence?
Dreams was there is not coincidence,
It had some relevance in fact,
I could not keep my emotions intact
I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,
I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep,
I would prefer to write critique for your eyes only, but since you do not allow private messaging through this service, I will simply say, this is much too long for the subject matter and the lack of good grammar makes it difficult to understand in places. This reads like an exercise for a writing class, rather than something you felt compelled to communicate. Your first two stanzas are the best, and it seems most commenters quote from those. The beginning pulls us in, but the rest does not deliver. The imperative to rhyme makes you twist some sentences out of shape, never a good idea. And irregular line lengths and half rhymes weaken the already very weak rhyme structure. Edit and rewrite are a poet's best friends, The short lines with a wobbly rhyme scheme is more fitting for light verse, humor, and children's nursery rhymes. I feel no emotional investment. If you wanted me to feel something, you must feel something. None of this is said in a mean way, you obviously have invested much time and energy into writing, it's important to you. All I am pointing out is this one needs to go back to the drawing board if there is something important here to communicate.
I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,
easy dreaming of a heavy thought....to be pondered on...10 thank you
Oratory and ideas simply objected, Unmoved by all, their views simply presented 10
I was pulled from deep sleep, Clock simply surged and made a beep, Heavy but gentle push on my chest,
Heavy but gentle push on my chest, “Keep ready “we are going to west,
What west” I exclaimed and posed question, Why don’t you say who you are and purpose mention? Heard harsh reply “We are here for further prevention”
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/25/2024 8:39:28 AM # 1.0.0.1119
“What west” I exclaimed and posed question, Why don’t you say who you are and purpose mention? Heard harsh reply “We are here for further prevention