Shortcuts Poem by gershon hepner

Shortcuts

Rating: 5.0


You can’t hurry love, they say,
but shortcuts may be taken,
I’ve found whenever I make hay,
and rarely am mistaken.

Memories that aren’t repressed
will give far more delight
than those which, held close to the chest,
give you and shrinks a fright.

Platitudes are useful for
a person who won’t drink
and is inclined to be a bore
when he attempts to think.

Poetry is rarely fun
except for those who write it,
all its words sound overdone,
all poets are benighted.

It’s better to be funny than
to write a poem, and
a woman is what no man can
sincerely understand.

Inspired by Janet Maslin’s review of Stephen Colbert’s “I am Am America (And So Can You!) ” (“It May Be a Boo, but You Can Read It, ” NYT, October 8,2007) :
Books are for pantywaists. Or at least that’s how “Stephen Colbert, ” the excitable commentator played to rock-star perfection by Stephen Colbert, viewed them before he became a published author. Now comes the flip-flop, as Mr. Colbert brings the gale-force power of his promotional talents to the hawking of “I Am America (And So Can You!) , ” a booklike object with his face plastered on its cover. Books are still for pantywaists, but now they’re for souvenir-seeking denizens of what is modestly called the Colbert Nation. The fans are primed because the energy level of Mr. Colbert’s television show is soaring. “The Colbert Report” — with a title that’s eponymous, the way Mr. Colbert prefers everything — currently beams with irrational exuberance. The show is sharp and innovative in ways that could have followed it to the coffee table, but that hasn’t happened. The full-monty Colbert television brilliance doesn’t quite make it to the page…. “I Am America (And So Can You!) ” certainly has its moments. (“You Can’t Hurry Love — but you can certainly take the shortcut. Instead of paging through Match.com, try flipping through the family photo album.”) They expand upon the Colbert persona, that of a self-loving loudmouth perched on the famous fine line between stupid and clever. The book is divided into chapters on big topics (“The Family, ” “Religion, ” “The Media, ” “Race”) and stresses the exclusive Colbert pedigree of its thoughts on each of them. “You won’t find these opinions in any textbook, ” he says, “unless it happens to be one I’ve defaced.”…
The “Sex and Dating” chapter also heavily emphasizes science, since Mr. Colbert is in some ways the Tom Lehrer of his day. Mr. Lehrer’s sharp satire and erudite academic stunts, like his classic musical rendition of the Periodic Table, are forerunners of Mr. Colbert’s subversive whiz-kid humor. “I often think back fondly on the memories I haven’t repressed, ” the book says in this sneaky spirit. When it refers to the American family as “a Mom married to a Pop and raising 2.3 rambunctious scamps” or to a cat named Professor Snugglepuss, “I Am America” gets lazy. The same goes for a sophomoric crack about why books are scary: “You can’t spell ‘Book’ without ‘Boo! ’” And this book is capable of better witticism than: “Now I’m not the smartest knife in the spoon.” But it doesn’t take the smartest knife in the spoon to understand the point of this undertaking. If “I Am America (And So Can You!) ” had nothing but its title, its Colbert cover portrait and 230 blank pages instead of printed ones, it would make a cherished keepsake just the same.

10/8/07

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