Still It Hurts_For Angel J Poem by Shaakiera Schroeder

The day we most feared is here!
Knew it would come…tried to prepare ourselves,
Prayed for it…
Still it hurts.

As the days pass us by_
Slowly you fade away…
We watch you …like the pained movements of your eyes…
Slowly close then open….We struggle to let you go…
As you struggle to keep them open…
We love you….we understand…you are suffering…you understand…why,
Still it hurts.

I clutch your hand and squeeze it tightly …
Holding on forever…it seems.
My mind wanders to another time…
A happier time….
A time before your body was viciously invaded!
Here I see your smile and hear your ready humour…
Like music to my ears…
A kind word, an encouraging hug,
You brightened up everyone’s day…giving hope where there was none!
Oh your humour_ your humour…makes me laugh even today!
Still…still it hurts.

I wait to hear your voice,
Almost craving the teasing,
Anticipating, the gentle taunting I’ve grown to adore!
<Still …it hurts.>

I find myself wishing, even for your tantrums,
Though very far and few in between,
They had an impact.
<Still it hurts.>
I long for the conversations, serious and relaxed because,
In each there was a lesson, always to be learnt.
Five in the morning you would get the urge to share and philosophize about life,
God I’m going to miss you and talent to annoy me.
<Still it hurts.>

Oh how I wish I hadn’t moved that day,
Rather remained by your side a little longer.
If before you were an awesome man, this
Dreaded illness brought to the surface a deeper strength…I saw,
A stronger you!
Your courage inspires me, your concern for others something to aspire to…still at the very front of your mind. Your body wrecked with pain you seek to comfort your comforters…and don’t give a passing thought to your own.
<Still it hurts>

Now we stand at your grave, heads hung low, pleading
Prayers lifted to the sky.
A constant river of tears stream down our cheeks…a pain
So deep… rob us of air.
A feeling so surreal…borders on bizarre.
Messages and consoling words rings deaf to my ears,
I hear nothing but the sand falling…loudly…covering your encased body…laying….Lifeless…
Adorned …with flowers.
Still it hurts.
I want to scream “THIS IS NOT REAL_IS EVERYONE INSANE? WAKE UP IT’S JUST AN AWFUL DREAM! ”
I look around and through my tears I blindly search for you…
<Still it hurts! >

Commemorative Balloons climb the sky and I remember to breathe, I see the faces of all that love you and know you will never leave!
<Still it hurts.>

You remain in each and everyone of us_it is your 1Love that we keep alive in our hearts.
<Still it hurts.>

We’ll live together for you…for us,
Remembering, crying, laughing…sharing our loss, will get us through this journey we on.
Even though it hurts so so, much…we will smile and laugh because that was truly your way…I love you J.

Journey well….
Our Angel of smiles

Forever in my soul…

Written by
Shaakiera Schroeder
11/07/10
<JK’s Going-home>