The Christmas Crib Poem by Pete Crowther

From the crib in the pub
I carefully lifted out Joseph,
Set him up on the roof
Of the stable and then
Did the same with the infant, Jesus.
Getting into my stride, I put Mary
Beside them. It was easy as pie,

And even the kings gave no trouble.
Knowing oxen can often be awkward
And donkeys as stubborn as mules
I concluded it kinder and wiser as well
That the animals stayed in the barn,
But looking inside and seeing them there
All standing around, at a loss by the cot

I knew something drastic was needed
So I plucked from the sky that newly formed star—
So bright in the Bethlehem night—and put it inside
In the cot in the crib where the animals stood
And it gleamed and it shone and it glittered.
The shepherds were shocked but the kings understood
And the animals fell to their knees.

Mary and Joseph seemed secretly pleased
To take a back seat and be rid of the weight
Of such an intolerable burden. Baby Jesus kept mum
And, except for the ox, the animals stayed on their knees.
In this straightforward way, without any fuss
Or palaver, I'm happy to say,
I changed the whole course of history.