The Farmer - Poem by Herbert Nehrlich
The butcher drove his ancient truck
out to the farm to make a buck.
The farmer had raised twenty steers
was with the mortgage in arrears.
So even though the steers were friends,
a money situation tends
to put a fellow in a bind.
This farmer was a very kind
and gentle man and he was dreading
to kill them right before the wedding.
You see, his daughters, numbered ten
had found themselves some local men
none was well off and none did work,
they saw the farmer as a jerk.
An auctioneer stopped at the farm
and asked with Oklahoma charm
if he could offer his advice
all for a teenie-weenie price.
They sat him down to get his views
per chance extract some freebie news,
he took his coffee with much cream
and said ' it's all in self-esteem.
The steers are proud, the girls are smart
if you prepare the oxen cart
and hitch the steers, two in a pair
and on the wagon, with great care
you place the maidens with their dresses
(about the fellows, no wild guesses
they are chased off the fertile land
and from the girls forever banned.) '
They drove into the frontier town,
each girl then raised her snow-white gown.
To flash some leg up to the thigh
and also a delicious sigh.
The town was Mormon where the men
can marry wives, as much as ten
and more if finances permit
it helped if the new groom was fit.
In twenty minutes, like a flash
the farmer had received much cash,
he sold the girls to men of God
each time he had to give the nod
before they plunked their dollar bills
into his hand, exchanged for frills.
When afternoon came they were done
they turned the wagon for the run
back to the farm to cook a dinner
for he had ended up a winner.
He kept all steers, and paid the bank
and had the auctioneer to thank.
That man was still back at the farm
exuded even more great charm,
he had a new proposal now,
he'd show them all exactly how
to beat the modern money blues,
if he were in the farmer's shoes
he would expand the barn and sheds
install ten beautiful big beds
and move the daughters and their lovers
back home to sleep under their covers
but in the day they would pitch in
because one helps his next of kin.
This way he would keep all the steers.
The bank would cancel the arrears.
The money would be a reserve,
it was a real learning curve.
The auctioneer who had been fired
when his old manager expired,
they loved him all, his name was Norman
and he became their trusted foreman.
This shows that even unsold steers
can get you out of your arrears.
And that your girls will be preferred
by Mormons, as by now you've heard.
And that a man who likes his cream
can in the end fulfill his dream.
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