The Inner Battle Poem by Jo Elliott

This poem I feel to interpret at certain stages, there is an element of actually reading these poems as if for the first time and even seeing some different meanings within them. The Inner Battle There are times in life when an inner voice helps us make an important choice and what can make it easy is we have a belief that our choice may well save us a lot of grief. It may also have been that we were put on the spot, so we may not have thought it through a lot and could mean that at any another time we would have made a choice because it felt sublime. As I read through this verse I see how it starts with the possible chance you may have to make a choice, how you believe in an instance that the way forward is easier and that had you took the time to think about it that considering all the options the other choice may have been a better one. I can actually see that also when you consider it is your only option, as in, as I have said in a previous entry that situations repeated themselves with others, so thoughts can be that that is all that there is, it can be considered there is no other option. Then it's only when we do a check on reality and we open our mind to really see that this is the time when we may well be met with a feeling of remorse or deep regret and we see that as the clock ticked by our inner voice let out a different cry and this may be when we start to reflect about the choice we made and we start to suspect. Even doing this I don't have any thoughts of regrets, I reacted in all I did due to a circumstance and even though I considered my confidence was trampled on to the floor, inside me there was still enough of a deep enough consideration for myself to say it wasn't right. Yes, my inner conflicts stepped in, but the outcome, no matter which way I looked at it, has dome and continues to be the same. Doubts, will come up whatever the choice, although healthy doubts because you made the right choice at the time will squash any unreal doubts or regrets. Although it was right at the time it was made the ghosts surrounding it hadn't been laid to rest, so they seem to be awake and we're restless in the bed we decided to make. All our thoughts then invade our sleep and we're filled with sorrow and start to weep. The choice we made no longer seems to apply and we start to question what if and why. What if I'd really thought it through? Why did I not consider me and you? Why when the equation amounted to three did I only consider what was right for me? The ghosts I considered to be my fears that rose from having my confidence shot to pieces, where I believed the judgements that had been made about me. When I had the choice of being with either of the two that were the same, I took the route I knew would give me the easiest way out, the one I knew, because I knew that the way out would be available to me soon enough, the choice that amounted to 3 was the easiest route to the third option, by myself, free of anyone who considered it was their right to stamp me down. Why did I close my heart to what was true? Why did I feel like I didn't have a clue about what I felt? So I shut it out now my inner voice is starting to shout about what I really feel deep down inside, this now makes me want to re-decide and consider the odds that were never met. That's when you see you went for the safest bet. As I said above, I went for the easiest escape route, the way I had grown to know. To stay where I was meant going through another way of ending, because as I had already seen, they were simply repeating what I'd already experienced. I wasn't strong enough to be stamped down by another, yet I had gained enough strength from being stamped down originally to leave and move on. You were protecting yourself from any more hurt. You know you didn't want to dig up the dirt yet now you feel ready to take up the spade and look right into the decision that you made. Now is the time that you have to deal with the feelings you've taught yourself not to feel and you can carry on travelling the route that you know or decide if there's a different direction to go. Self preservation! I didn't need to be taken any further down by anyone else to dig deeper and find myself. I'd hit rock bottom already. I was exposed! I was vulnerable! But I wasn't stupid! Yes, I was looking to return to being on my own, but this time I was continuing with my journey as me this time. My previous journey started as my marriage ended and ended as my relationship started, so it was inevitable that my journey was going to start again with the end of the relationship, yet this time with all the different aspects of me that had been moulded being blown apart.