The Only Thing You Deserve. Poem by kay connolly

This is my first poem. This is my first piece of writing that I put any real feelings into. Feel free to criticize, I know I'm not that good, and I need it.

Retaining the thought of you standing over me at your mother’s house; no shirt, just sweat pants.
I remember telling myself I wanted to be with you forever.
My memory refuses to liberate us.

Every part of you still haunts my bedroom. No preventative could prevent your scent from traumatizing me with the thought of your touch.
The loving touch and the loathsome touch.

Remembering the fear in my mind, and the red in your eyes.
One hand on my throat and the other expressing your anger across my face.
Saved by the ears of an angel.
The first of many times.
I remember telling myself that I wanted to be with you forever.

Babies promised in May. Changes promised tomorrow.
Lies told today.
Only memories left to make me cry now.

Never have I felt this way about someone.
Never have I let someone bruise me.
Never has someone felt this way about me.

I’m to blame for your broken heart?
Then who is to blame for my broken spirit?
My grass will never be green again.

You never deserved me.
I never deserved your hostility.
Please, let me be the cause of a sleepless night; while my anger lies by your side.
The only thing you deserve.
The only way I can sleep alone.