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The Punk, The Monk, And The World

Rating: 4.9

My friends and my family scattered across
the land of America; land of the Lost
there's a shortage of love - a shortage of water
a shortage of food - the temperatures hotter
the strangers i've felt for
have shortage of shelter
a shortage of smiles
-the bodies are piled
These are the bodies the monks have knelt for...

worldwide there's chaos -
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POET'S NOTES ABOUT THE POEM
just wrote this today -first draft - best draft, haha...actually this just took me about 25 minutes to write. i think it's fine the way it is, but i could also make it way better. anywho, I figured I'd go ahead and share it! Enjoy!
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COMMENTS OF THE POEM
Steven Voltmann 11 November 2012

5 votes before mine gave you a 10, I'd say well deserved dude

3 0 Reply
Guy Lip-more 22 October 2012

Brilliant write Ray, this is the first poem I've read from you, grat poetry.

1 0 Reply
Daniel Einstein 20 October 2012

Nothing much left for me to say, other than for your first draft, it came out perfect, i wouldn't change anything about it. Everything comes together perfectly.10+ great work.

4 0 Reply
Suzanne Melton 13 October 2012

YOUR POEMS SO TOUCH ME, RAY. EVERYONE SAYS SO MUCH, SO MANY FEELINGS, SO MANY THINGS TO THINK ABOUT. KEEP UP THE GREAT WORK!

3 0 Reply
Joseph Anderson 13 October 2012

A powerful portrayal of this world and it's troubles in 25 minutes -wow! . Guess I am a member of the beat generation-I have been coming back to a world where everything was different, yet exactly the same- a good and telling line

5 0 Reply
Diane Hine 13 October 2012

Clear and direct, a pleasure to read. Also a great title.

2 0 Reply
Jerome Moore 12 October 2012

first draft is always best right on! most poetry shared on this site lacks the spirit you throw out into this, lacks the consciousness. its clear in subjective, nothing that meditation couldnt cure. bravo

5 0 Reply

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