The Unpardonnable In My Past. I Still Love You Poem by Anna Polibina-Polansky

I don't mean to look up anyone in the world. I keep our relationship. I won't draw up anything for other. I mean to live my own life. Look up, my sweet, before you get offened. I haven't yet done anthing wrong, for 30 years. I did smth within the first 10 years of my life, but my forces were uneven to theirs. Later on, I did nothing wrong. Look up, I have been clean for 30 years. And Jews will tell you just the same, I have remained untouched and unkissed for 30 years of my life, I was scared of all Jews. I have been a smart girl. You compell me to discover all things at their presence. You can't even out feign smth for them. If Jews say I'm clean, then, I am clean. They would prefer to prove that I am bad or dirty. I am not. You see? Come about, I mean to be with you. Things won't change. I am this way, you can trust what I have said. Who can spoil my bio, if I am pure yet? I had only few virtual romances. You will discover all by yourself. Kay, in what else I am wrong and unpardonable? Tell me. I am not bad. I am a bit playful, I am just collecting the experience yet. I have been doing things, films, poetry. I am not to spoiled with parties and hangingouts. If I am this way and dark, ppl often think I am spoilt or do smth prohibited. I don't! I don't do anything, I am watched by adults. I had some contacts, but it didn't go as far as rare datings. What do you reproach me in, my sweet? You don't want me to marry you? If I have been unkissed for 25 years, I am truly unkissed. I have avoided everything since about 10. I don't get dirty anymore. What's so wrong of me? ? I see. I wrote comments to ladies. I didn't want to stay alone, and you kept total silence. I don't need anything at all. I thought maybe someone would notice my face. In case we part. What should I have thought of? I don't normally change partners. I meant to marry you, I told of us to my parents. I don't scheme or think up things. Everything goes as it goes, I am totally honest. Kay, my sweet darling, would you prefer me to be sneaky or what? I love you, stay about, ever. I ask you of it. What improbable do I ask from you? I haven't yet left home, I need rippening and bean reared up and duly handled perhaps. I don't ask blissful existance, I ask you to stay with me. I have a lot of everything here in Moscow, and we will flourish for ages. I won't ever change my partner. I don't listen to any J*ws. I love everything about you. Why don't you like me? I am so black and pretty. Did God granted me all, in vain? You won't love me, Kay? ? ? ? ! ! You are jealous about my ex-girl, a football player from California? She knows I don't love her, she knew I had been by a mistake married to another lady and would be searching someone light-eyed and of about her age. When I had met you, no questions remained. I am UNKISSED yet, I do nothing wrong. I haven't promised anything to anyone, I am totally free at the moment, and if Jesus allows, I will stay with you. Perhaps some ppl would like to take the advantage of the moment, that i am unkissed and so. But I am occupied by YOU, don't you think so, my dear Kay? It's very stupid of us both, to listen to people. I am clean before you and yet UNKISSED, and noone will argue or negate this real fact. What other proof do you need? ? My sweet Kay, listen, I am physically PURE and loving you. Who can tempt me now? I am yet pure and at the original soul. I wonder what else you may need. Also I am honest, good, kind, and I try to be faithful. I will go for now, and you will decide if you need me. I'm imposing, and you are offending me, my sweet. I like each stroke of yours. Maybe you don't like that I am dark and skinny? Then, I am sorry. I thought that to be okay about me. I am not artificial, I meach each word. ** Do you laugh at our relationship like a Chinese? I don't. Even the Chinese ppl are hypocritical, they are terribly afraid of suffering. I am not afraid of suffering, if I need to suffer. I sound not too good for you? And why, I wonder? Should I recall all whom i liked, just now, straight away, not daring to hide away a stroke? You compulse me to awful thing, my dear Kaitleen. I am black all through perhaps, but I strive for European standards of looks (as I do not understand the Chinese and Paleoasians) , and I have never been interested at plain colored races. I mingle only with light ladies, in love (with far from each) . I hope, dear Kay, it does not counerstand to your principles. I like you immensely much, but you are finding faults after what I do and don't hear me. Perhaps you can judge of all, but it doen't keep me any happier, my sweetie. I wanted special relationship, and I can stand a lot, for this aim. How will we talk if UR that complicated and sophisticated and so? Should I speak of metaphors and stanzas and meters, like a parrot? Can our talk be enjoyable for both? Or what? Kay, if you mean to loose me, plz do. I DO NOT WANT ANY OTHER LOOKS BUT YOURS. I WON'T STAY WITH A.O. ELSE BUT YOU. OR I'LL DIE. I DON'T WANT TO LIVE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE. THE LIFE EXPERIENCE IS UNMEANINFUL WITHOUT YOU. IF YOU THINK I'LL DO WITHOUT U, UR MISTAKEN. I LIVE 4U ONLY. KAY, STAY WITH ME. INNER RHYMES MEAN INNER BELIEF. I'LL MARRY YOU, OR THE LIFE IS UNWORTHY OF LIVING.