To Save You Poem by Vallerie Lobell

If I had to do it all over again,
You would be locked up in a room here my home,
That you were 32 would not mean a damn thing,
Let us all just deal with our own,
It kills me to think each time you arose,
The search began for your next pill,
You had to have it, would do anything to get it,
Tried talking to your doctors but your scripts they'd fill,
As your mother who loved you I know what's right,
Two coroners from two parishes did no good,
I would tie you to the bed at night,
But otherwise keep you as comfortable as I could,
I would make you watch cartoons with your kids,
I would feed you all your favorite foods,
I would talk to you and help you hold on,
I would deal with all your moods,
There would be maximum security for you,
Your visitors frisked if need be,
If I could have done things MY way,
You would still be here with me,
The state did nothing to protect you from yourself,
It was the same way with your brother,
Don't they know how painful it is? ? ?
As God is my witness, it will not happen to another,
These three kids I'm raising, two are your own,
They have seen what drugs can do,
No matter what measures I have to take,
It will not go as it did with you,
Let them call it 'abuse', what I will do to prevent,
Losing another child to addiction,
Though laws prevent me from saving you,
I feel guilty of some dereliction,
How we all will miss you so,
It was said you were not a loser, just lost,
I know what I'd do now,
I learned lessons at premium cost,
How good reality could sometimes be,
The hugs of your children a natural high,
I had bury you on her first birthday,
What do I say when she turns five?
Drugs were master and you were their slave,
I think now that you would see,
With all 'mean things' I would keep you safe,
Pills are the cruelest of rulers,
And shackled to a bed is better than being dead,