Too Busy Finding Hiding Places Poem by Lawrence S. Pertillar

Catching my breath...
I came to a stop.
Annoyed with chasing myself
From one fear to another!
From an alibi to a created excuse.
Blaming...
Everyone in the playground of my childhood,
For everything!
For those who swung on swings...
Blocking my way it seemed to the monkey bars.
And the whippings I received for showing attitude,
Without gratitude
My mother use to terrorize my ass!
She wasn't in the mood...
Long before 911,
Became significant on several fronts!

She didn't play!
Not like the parents today,
Who are watched in various playgrounds,
By their children!
As they share playmates.,
And substances laced...
To alterate altercating minds and faces!

Catching my breath...
And running away from my own conflicts,
I came across the 'junction' of my life!
I couldn't turn back the clock...
Or stop time with strife I carried.
No matter how youthful I believed I looked!
That hook that keeps one baited
To avoid a fate of age awaiting!
I had come to the crossroads of self satisfaction,
And a future that beckoned me to be more daring!
With an understanding that deterioration and renewal,
Is a process no one drools upon!
I was not blessed with life to try to figure it out!

I had heard doubts I adopted!
And shouted along with voices I could not stop!

I looked back to see my fears catching up to me!
I decided to move forward on my faith!
I began to pray and meditate on what it was
That made me hesitate so much!
And I 'heard' something within me say,
'I'm glad you slowed down!
You've been afraid of yourself for a long time!
You have been running away from yourself.
Now that this is known....
The unknown should be no challenge!
You have already broken through your roadblock.
No need to revisit obstacles removed on unpaved paths! '

This...
I admit,
Had never crossed my mind!
I was too busy finding hiding places.
Dodging myself at my own expense...
And getting 'hit' by paying the bill too often!
I HAD to learn,
Or smother!