Tools Poem by Joe Hughes

I've got hammers, some screwdrivers,
I've got wrenches by the score.
I've got screws - Yes, bags of nails,
A hundred hinges for fifty doors.

I've got sanders, I've got saws,
Electric drills - yes! Stapling guns.
I've got pliers, loads of chisels,
But D.I.Y for me's no fun.

I'm not much good at fixing things,
At decorating I've no cred.
But those tools just keep increasing -
I think they're mating in my shed!

I've got ladders, loads of brushes,
A box that's full of electric plugs.
I've got Allen keys in abundance
I hope that Allen soon turns up!

I've got tape measures by the metre,
I've got fillers of all kinds.
Why, I'm sure I've got a filler
For the crack on your behind!

I've got paint in half filled cans,
Seventeen paint roller trays.
I've got clippers, nippers, snippers -
A garden knome which kneels - Yes, prays!

I'm turning over a new leaf,
I'm getting rid of all my tools.
I'm going to give them all to charity
Or to my local vocational school.

So instead I get a man in
To repair each fault, each spill.
But the cost of these repairers
Means my shed is full of bills!

It seems there is no solution,
Pay my bills or tools I'll hoard.
So I'm sure I've got the answer -
I'll become a man-of-the-road!