Torment Poem by Vianka Polis

All this agony I fetched amongst myself 

No fingers to situate for my poor health

My gashes a commodity so slight

The man who belabored promised “I won’t bite”

Love befell all that I sought

My parents’ adoration was never a thought

I had only an oblivion in order to be beat

I always regarded myself to never reach any feet

I smoked until I commemorated nothing

The food I devoured until I perceived disgusting 

Cigarette smoke engulfed my throat
My lungs I dearly endeavored to demote

It hightailed from one to two
The packs I shifted so quickly through
Quickening my death

Anteriorly to my last breath

The morning where it all changed 

The dawn in which he arranged

I beamed into his beguiling honey-brown gaze 

Beforehand I assumed it was another phase 
The hope advanced as the season did

Thoughts of severing my wrists slid

I gave a glisten of hope, a sign 

All he wanted to acknowledge was that he was mine

He was and I acquired full advantage 

Everything we created I evoked damage 

I was optimistic and miserable all at once 

We conversed but his brain tried refusing full allowance 

It teared him to hear I loved and cared

He believed nothing to beheld there 

I lay wakeful throat battered from binding tears 

Wishing I only seized my life following all the years

Only 8 and I apprehended god would not permit me into heaven 

My optimism on living barely reached 11

My wrists throbbing to relapse 

All he fixed was beginning to prolapse

I took his heart and all he can think is regret

His amatory potential ridden brunette 

He’s all I can rely on 

He looks upon me as if I was the devil's spawn 

Although to him it might racket as a compliment

My brain craved to inflict self-torment

I looked to be cherished all in the wrong place

From the beginning I should have fathomed he was my ace 

He gave me spark to bestow myself a chance

How could I have done that; when he looked to me it was a teary glance 

Marijuana not planted into my receptors because it was no longer capered necessary

Soon my unannounced pill addiction I became unwary 

Drugs no longer diverted a roll

Breaking him only pierced me a capacious hole 

All the thoughts disposed back 

The addictions pursued an attack 

I propelled them away 

Preceding forward I prized to stay