Ugly Pain From The Past Poem by mona martinez

that moment that you push everybody away,
just so you don't have to deal with you emotions,
yet all you feel is nothing,
you feel completely numb,
talking only brings back the pain,
but at this point,
why should it matter when it feels like,
everything is messed up,
i'm being more of who i don't want to be,
losing myself slowly,
and yet ppl are slowly walking away,
stress of doing what needs to be done,
is catching up to me faster than i want,
the ppl i'm trying to run from,
i feel like no matter what i do,
they are everywhere i turn,
bring up the memories from the past,
i do what i know how to do,
avoid feeling it,
hurt myself more than just talking about the pain,
talking is the last thing i want to do,
talking means to start telling the truth,
the story, the pain, and all the sick feelings,
that all go along with the pain,
in the beginning of the journey,
i always said i would stop running,
no matter how hard it gets,
and just keep moving forward,
after having a bad night,
where i was reminded of the pain,
so deep and powerful,
it felt so real,
i begain to run away from everything,
being the girl who forgets who she is,
and believes she on this earth to just plz man,
worse feeling ever,
to just feel like an object,
but at times it easier to feel like an object,
than have ppl around you feeling sorry,
for what you going through,
and everything you are feeling,
times like this,
i wish all i had to deal with was everyday trouble,
not pain from the past.