Understanding With No Reasoning Poem by Katherine Graven

Here I am with only dismay to claim my soul
Wondering why things occur, even though no one is to blame
All the while trying to fight the confused feelings that restrains me
With blinded eyes of forbidden misunderstood pain

I wanted to fight to reclaim my enter-self
But the fear of seeing what my mind was hearing
Holds me back to just where I want to hide
From my own misunderstood quite humiliation

For I know not what keeps me in torment
Of living my life, as perfect as it may have seemed
So my burden of hurting the ones that I love
Is putting them in the middle of my darkened sadden pain

For it is only the love ones that I turn my back on
Who will, be for the reason of love, I will keep at a distance
For my mind is churning in a thunderous rage
And I just can’t take deaths resistance

So don’t misunderstand and take any blame
For the actions I have taken
For I feel that my relentless agony of existing was greater for me
Than the sorrow that is left for the living

I don’t ask that you understand
For I don’t understand myself
I don’t want you to doubt my love
For that is what kept me living
I don’t want you to be ashamed
For then, the only memory of me, would be the feelings of pity

My denial and misunderstandings of my silent relentless anguish
Is what is to be blamed.

Just find peace in, that for me, there is no more pain…
End

Written By:
Katherine Kay Graven
September first two thousand five